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We Regret to Inform You That Oliver Darcy Has Melted Down Again
What, you may ask, has sent Oliver Darcy into hysterics again? The sanctimonious media scold is in full meltdown mode over the newly revamped CBS Evening News, publishing a hysterical review on his Status newsletter.
Let’s face it: the Evening News had sucked on skates well before Bari Weiss came aboard as Editor-in-Chief of CBS News. Norah O’Donnell couldn’t pull the newscast out of its perennial third place hole, and the product really went off a cliff when she was run off stage in favor of the John Dickerson and Maurice DuBois-led Evening News. As I noted less than a year ago:
In the words of George W. Bush, this is some weird ****.
The suckitude of the Evening News was magnified by the network’s historic reputation for being a horribly biased news product. Recent lawsuits only aggravated that perception among the public. The news division clearly needed a change of direction (read Curtis Houck's review of the new Evening News here).
But the media reporting class, which fancies itself the gatekeeper of what we read or watch, have a problem with news reporting that deviates one inch from whatever the Democrat party orthodoxy might be on any given day. Among these, Darcy is the most obnoxious and sanctimonious.
What triggered Darcy’s latest outburst? This funny segment that closed out the newscast.
What sent @oliverdarcy, the living incarnation of Angry Soyjak, into Chernobyl-level hysterics tonight? This report to close out the @CBSEveningNews pic.twitter.com/Pz7Bkq03yM
— Jorge Bonilla (@BonillaJL) January 7, 2026
TONY DOKOUPIL: Finally, tonight, and only in America, the many lives and many jobs of Marco Rubio, the son of Cuban immigrants and a former Florida senator, he is now the face of U.S. foreign policy and President Trump's point man on Venezuela. All in addition to his roles as Secretary of S, interim National Security Advisor, and acting National Archivist and USAID chief. Whatever you think of his politics, you've got to admit, it's an impressive resume. And now, AI memes have added to that portfolio, casting secretary Rubio as the new governor of Minnesota, the new shah of Iran, the prime minister of Greenland, the new manager Manchester United, the head of Hilton Hotels, and highest of high honors of all, the new Michelin Man. Now back in real-life, of course, these memes may not add up to much, but for Rubio's hometown fans, which are many around here in Miami, it is a sign of how Florida, once an American punch line, has become a leader on the world stage. Marco Rubio, we salute you. You’re the ultimate Florida Man.
A goofy segment relative to the current news cycle was just a bridge too far. Darcy bleated:
On Tuesday evening, newly installed "CBS Evening News" anchor Tony Dokoupil closed out just his second official broadcast with a surreal segment: a glowing tribute to Secretary of State Marco Rubio. Kicking off his “Live from America” tour with a broadcast from Miami, Dokoupil ran through Rubio’s ever-expanding portfolio as one of Donald Trump’s closest confidants. Then, in an attempt to create a lighthearted moment, the broadcast aired a montage of A.I.-generated memes depicting Rubio in a variety of imagined roles—including as the head of Hilton Hotels.
“Marco Rubio, we salute you,” Dokoupil declared. “You are the ultimate Florida man.”
Even under normal circumstances, an ostensibly objective newsman’s lighthearted praise of a cabinet member’s political portfolio would have been jarring. But it was particularly striking in context of the last several days. Rubio is currently helping Trump pursue the fantastical goal of capturing Greenland, and only days earlier participated in the shock overthrow of Venezuela’s government. That the "Evening News" would cap its broadcast with a meme-driven homage to a central player in those events was, to put it mildly, an extraordinary editorial decision.
One can almost hear the exaggerated Olbermannesque intonation when reading “extraordinary editorial decision.” And not to belabor a point, but that’s an interesting choice of words given CBS’s anteWeissean history. God forbid a conservative Cabinet official have a moment in the zeitgeist. One does not recall similar huffery after the nation was forced to smell the media’s farts over the manufactured “Brat Summer,” but here we are.
Darcy would also complain about a report on Kristi Noem before getting to the crux of the matter: whining about the changes made at CBS News. The anonymous staffers buried the new newscast, pointed to Dokoupil’s one teleprompter flub as proof evident of a standards collapse, and emoted about working at the old CBS News.
And that’s really the purpose of this screed- whining about the way things were. Darcy writes:
In any event, the larger question remains about what-if anything-all these changes being made will achieve, It is incredibly difficult to move the needle on broadcast television. Viewers are creatures of habit and siphoning them off other newscasts is a formidable task. If anything, it is more likely that Dokoupil’s recent antics will alienate the network’s existing audience, compelling them to sample the competition, not vice versa.
Says who? If public confidence in the news media is at an all-time low, who’s to say that viewers won’t go for the vice versa?
This hysterical rant, both from Darcy and from his anonymous sources, is about little more than compelling CBS to hold the line and continue to push nuance-free Trump-deranged slop disguised as news. Viewers be damned.
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