When one thinks of Whole Foods, one might think of its selection of cheeses and organic yet processed offerings. Perhaps one thinks of the pizza and all-natural deodorants and lotions. Maybe one thinks of the patchouli that struggles to mask the aroma that comes with all-natural deodorants. (If so, you’re out of luck, though parent company Amazon has you covered.)  What you most likely do not think of, though, is jail. This is a mistake for, unlike patchouli, when it comes to being detained, Whole Foods is there for you.  When talking about Walmart or Target, theft is a given. If your local supercenter switches back and forth from self-checkout to human checkers, theft — or shrink, as it’s known in the retail world — is the real reason. It’s just so easy to bag a few items that didn’t get scanned. Shrink is one of the prices of doing business. Its presence is factored into budgets, both in expected amount and the cost of hiring people to thwart it. General employees are instructed to ignore it thanks to America’s surplus of lawyers. Instead, as is done in Whole Foods, you deploy specialists to combat the problem.  This isn’t new. Back in the mid ‘90s, when I worked at Hastings Books, Music, and Video, which for the younger readers was one of the various places people could go to buy books and music and rent videos before streaming was a thing, we knew our most prolific shoplifters. We could never catch them in the act, though, so they were free to steal with impunity. We didn’t have a Mike, as the Fort Greene Whole Foods does, but we had a Toni. Toni, a former state trooper, never caught them either. It didn’t help that they were certain traveling people who only came through periodically. There were also teenagers who couldn’t afford the latest from Wu-Tang Clan. They were sporadic and small potatoes, though, unlike those who preferred to steal CDs that they would later sell back to us a few months later when they swung back through the area. Most importantly, all of them knew they were stealing. There was no rationalization. For those who end up in Whole Foods jail, it’s all rationalization. It’s not that they can’t necessarily afford “Bonestorm,” it’s that, like punching someone in the dark, they view shoplifting as a victimless crime. This isn’t exactly shocking coming from a collective that thinks Bernie Sanders is correct about millionaires — make that billionaires, doesn’t understand that assets aren’t necessarily walking around money, and just really needs a sushi tray before therapy. The therapist, presumably, does not get stiffed, though this piece in Curbed on Whole Foods jail doesn’t specify. (Journalism is dead.): For years, she had thought of the California rolls, brownies, and protein shakes she stole as a kind of artist’s subsidy while she got her own practice off the ground. But on this particular day, her luck had run out. Astrid was late for therapy and hadn’t eaten, so she stopped in for a quick lunch. As usual, she began her meal in-store, moving toward the door with confidence, while ripping open a sushi tray. Soy-sauce packet between her teeth, one foot out the door, she felt a hand on her arm. As with all the people mentioned in the piece, Astrid is a pseudonym. Her story is amazing. California rolls, brownies, and protein shakes are not exactly sustenance foods. She could have stolen bananas, which I am not condoning, even as some extoll the benefits of shoplifting, which are super healthy and also low cost, but no, Astrid had to go elite. This also gets to the other problems with this attitude. First, shrink is really detrimental to business. In the early days of Walmart, founder Sam Walton gathered a group of store associates around him early one morning. He had a coffee can with $1 in pennies in it. He starts taking pennies out for overhead, utilities, merchandise, payroll, and the other obvious costs of doing business. When he was done with those, only four pennies remained. He then took two of those, explaining that those two cents represented shrink, meaning that despite starting with a dollar, profits only equaled two cents. Walmart famously operates on razor-thin profit margins, usually in the 2-3% range, though. What about Whole Foods? Surely hippie Walmart is pulling Apple-esque numbers, right? Wrong! Whole Foods is operating on … razor-thin profit margins comparable to Walmart. Stealing eye cream, sushi trays, tuna rolls, soft French cheeses, steaks, and the like means the company has to pass its increased costs onto paying customers. In other words, if you see something, say something. The other, and to my mind larger, problem with hipster heists is there is a much better solution, especially for those who are presumably concerned about food waste, climate change, and inequality: dumpster diving. And look, I get it, dumpster diving isn’t as sexy as committing crime, but it is victimless. You don’t even have to call it dumpster diving. Just become a freegan and really lean into “strategies for sustainable living beyond capitalism.” Commit, people! It may even provide your life with enough meaning to get you out of therapy. Will you have to learn to live with bread that’s maybe a little stale, not that I’ve ever had a prototypical freegan give me such a loaf, or strawberries that are a little mushy. Toast the bread. Enjoy fruit when it’s at its sweetest. Wonder why you didn’t go dumpster diving with and learn from your anti-capitalist acquaintance who’s now building a private for-profit space station. You can start tonight. And it won’t even require you to give up Whole Foods, though I’d steer clear of the sushi if I were you. The cover of darkness may be required to become a successful freegan, but if you fly too close to the sashimi, you’re going to feel that punch to your stomach. * * * Rich Cromwell is a writer living in Northwest Arkansas. He produces the Cookin’ Up a Story podcast. You can also follow him on X: @rcromwell4 The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.

Just one day after voting against legislation to fund the Department of Homeland Security, Sen. Elissa Slotkin (D-MI) called for the department to be funded while speaking about a terror attack on a Michigan synagogue.  During a press conference on the attack at Temple Israel in West Bloomfield, Michigan, Slotkin said Congress should fund DHS but exclude allocations for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).  “We need to fund the Department of Homeland Security, and we need, in my view, to cut away all the conversation on ICE, which is its own conversation, from all the core missions of the Department of Homeland Security,” Slotkin said.  Her remarks came one day after Slotkin joined all Senate Democrats except Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) in blocking legislation to fund DHS. When asked whether DHS was less prepared for terror attacks because of the partial shutdown, Slotkin said essential personnel were still working.  “The department, because they are essential workers, they have been at work, certainly in Michigan, we have a ton of DHS folks, CBP, and so they are on the call and they are doing their jobs,” she said. “But they’re essential, they’re on the job, they’re working today.” Slotkin made the comments alongside Michigan Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer during a press conference addressing Thursday’s terror attack. Authorities say Ayman Mohamad Ghazali rammed his truck into the synagogue and opened fire with a rifle before being shot and killed by synagogue security personnel. Ghazali was born in Lebanon and became a naturalized U.S. citizen in 2016.  DHS has faced a funding lapse since February 14 as Democrats and Republicans clash over ICE policy. Agencies under DHS include the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), FEMA, Customs and Border Protection, and the Coast Guard. Some analysts have warned that the shutdown is hampering the government’s counterterrorism efforts.  “We’re dealing with a heightened threat environment right now, and we need the federal government security capabilities to be firing on all cylinders,” said Nathan Sales, former special presidential envoy for the Global Coalition to Counter ISIS.

Actor Timothée Chalamet sparked backlash after saying “no one cares” about opera and ballet, comments that quickly drew criticism from artists and cultural figures. But one singer admitted that she joined the pile-on for a different reason: “virtue signaling.” Recording artist Doja Cat acknowledged that her criticism came not out of personal conviction, but because she wanted to participate in online outrage, revealing that she has never even attended an opera or ballet performance. “I took it upon myself yesterday to kind of give it to the man because there is a culture based around outrage and things like that, and people want to feel like they’re part of something,” the 30-year-old singer shared in a TikTok video. “It’s a need to connect, whether good or bad.”  @dojacat♬ original sound – Doja Cat “What I was doing…was virtue signaling because I wanted to connect and I knew that Timothée’s goof up was something that I could leverage in order for people to connect with me and f*** with me,” Doja Cat went on.  “And it’s easy. It’s a modern way to garner clicks, likes, approval and all kinds of things like that from people. And so I did that yesterday, and I didn’t really think about why I was doing it… I don’t know anything about opera. I don’t know anything about ballet, and I’ve never been to either shows.” That message was shared after Doja Cat’s original, since-deleted TikTok told Chalamet to “sit the f*** down and shut the f*** up” and insisted that “people give a f***” about opera and ballet. The controversy began after a clip from Chalamet’s conversation with Matthew McConaughey during a CNN & Variety town hall event went viral. The “Marty Supreme” actor was blasted for saying “no one cares” about the two art forms.  Ballet dancer Misty Copeland claimed Chalamet wouldn’t have his acting career if opera and ballet didn’t exist. Legendary opera singer Andrea Bocelli said Chalamet’s comments “surprised” him and invited the actor to attend one of his performances.  Many social media users are now saying the outrage cycle has dragged on too long. Chalamet has not issued a public apology or clarified any of his comments. So far, Doja Cat appears to be the only celebrity who has admitted that she was only coming down hard on the actor to get clicks.

A popular social media news page in Dearborn, Michigan, sparked outrage for a post on Thursday that focused on the Michigan synagogue attacker’s recent “family tragedy” just hours after the man rammed his vehicle into the largest Jewish Reform synagogue in the United States and opened fire with a rifle. TCD Dearborn News, which has over half a million followers on Instagram and 150,000 followers on Facebook, wrote that synagogue attacker Ayman Ghazali “recently experienced a family tragedy overseas” when two of his brothers and some of his nephews were killed in an Israeli air strike in Lebanon. The news page also described the attack as an “incident” and wrote that “the suspect died following reports of an active shooter at the synagogue.” View this post on Instagram   A post shared by TCD News (@dearborn) The Dearborn news page was blasted on social media for its framing of the story. “Trying to justify terrorists living in your city

'He probably took too much of something'

The Enduring Media Myth Of a 'MAGA Split'

Although there has been a slight decline in the overall numbers of colorectal cancers across the country, diagnoses among younger people are rising.

The chances of one happening soon are low, but we know reversals happen and can’t be sure how much warning we would get.

ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel almost had an epiphany on his Thursday show when confronted with some of the downright bizarre logic and language that transgender ideology compels its proponents to use. When discussing a heist involving over male sex toys, Kimmel found the company’s use of the phrase “penis owners” to be quite humorous. Likewise, Kimmel found the idea of President Trump being a female bobsledder absurd, but in neither case could he make the connection to the ideology he supports. Kimmel began by setting the scene, “We have a big mystery to solve right now here in this city. $250,000 worth of male sex toys that were loaded onto a train headed from L.A. to Dallas have vanished. They are nowhere to be found. They loaded them on a freight train, and when the train got to Dallas, it was empty. The company says the thief made off with 330 Handy Massage Tube pleasure devices and 289 Handy Massage Pro Model pleasure devices. Police are looking for a suspect with 619 penises. So, please. That is a lot of sex toys. Can you imagine planning that heist? ‘Guys, we're going to get the gang back together for one last job. And it's going to be hot, you'll see.’”   Jimmy Kimmel was oh so close, but oh so far from recognizing the absurdity of transgender ideology. Talking about a male sex toy heist, Kimmel read from the review, "'The Handy 2 is engineered with next-gen technology and built with our community feedback at its core, enabling… pic.twitter.com/okMcGcG3Jc — Alex Christy (@alexchristy17) March 13, 2026   Pleading ignorance on the merchandise, Kimmel read from the company’s product description, “I've not heard of The Handy Massage Tube Pro, so I Googled it. It seems to be some kind of mini robot Lauren Boebert. It’s a— ‘The Handy 2 is engineered with next-gen technology and built with our community feedback at its core, enabling through levels of interactive pleasure for penis owners—whether solo or with a partner.’” Kimmel retorted, “Penis owners? Do we even own our penises? I mean, I feel like my penis owns me in a lot of ways. Anyway, I hope they find the thieves, and I hope those items are returned to their rightful penis owners.” Using terms like “penis owners” is certain people’s desperate attempt to avoid the fact that there are definitional parts of being a man that necessarily mean you cannot be a woman. However, Kimmel could not make the leap to join the sane side. Later, he introduced a clip of 2026 Olympic bronze medal bobsledder Kaillie Humphries at the White House by quipping, “And then they really put a cherry on top of women's month. You're not going to believe this. An Olympic gold medalist showed up to present the president with yet another award he didn't win.” In the clip, Humphries declared, “Olympic medals are never achieved alone. So, I am here today, and I am so honored to present this, my Order of Ikkos medal, to you, Donald Trump.” The Order of Ikkos is specifically meant to be given away by a medalist to someone who has helped them in their journey. Humphries won a gold medal in 2022, so Trump would not have been the first person she’s given her Order of Ikkos medal to. Four years ago, she gave it to her head coach, Mike Kohn. However, Kimmel did not appear to realize the medal Humphries gave him was not her bronze medal as he suggested Trump was being hypocritical, “Look at how happy he is. ‘Whoa! You've got a medal for me?’ I thought he was all about keeping men out of women's sports. Now he's taking the medal. Suddenly he's a ladies' bobsledding champion.” Ironically, in the part of Humphries’ speech that Kimmel did not play, she thanked Trump by stating, “I want to recognize the support and the impact you’ve had on women’s sports…specifically standing up to keep biological women in women’s sports, to keep the field of play safe and allow for fair competition.” Whether it is the absurdity of terms such as “penis owners” or the idea that Donald Trump can be a woman, Kimmel almost got it. Yet, he remains so far away. Here is a transcript for the March 12 show: ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live! 3/12/2026 11:36 PM ET JIMMY KIMMEL: You know, hey, you know, we have a big mystery to solve right now here in this city. $250,000 worth of male sex toys that were loaded onto a train headed from L.A. to Dallas have vanished. They are nowhere to be found. They loaded them on a freight train, and when the train got to Dallas, it was empty. The company says the thief made off with 330 Handy Massage Tube pleasure devices and 289 Handy Massage Pro Model pleasure devices. Police are looking for a suspect with 619 penises. So, please. That is a lot of sex toys. Can you imagine planning that heist? “Guys, we're going to get the gang back together for one last job. And it's going to be hot, you'll see.” I've not heard of The Handy Massage Tube Pro, so I Googled it. It seems to be some kind of mini robot Lauren Boebert. It’s a— “The Handy 2 is engineered with next-gen technology and built with our community feedback at its core, enabling through levels of interactive pleasure for penis owners—whether solo or with a partner.” Penis owners? Do we even own our penises? I mean, I feel like my penis owns me in a lot of ways. Anyway, I hope they find the thieves, and I hope those items are returned to their rightful penis owners. … 11:45 PM ET And then they really put a cherry on top of women's month. You're not going to believe this. An Olympic gold medalist showed up to present the president with yet another award he didn't win. KAILLIE HUMPHRIES: Olympic medals are never achieved alone. So, I am here today, and I am so honored to present this, my Order of Ikkos medal, to you, Donald Trump. KIMMEL: Look at how happy he is. “Whoa! You've got a medal for me?" I thought he was all about keeping men out of women's sports. Now he's taking the medal. Suddenly he's a ladies’ bobsledding champion.

A federal judge minced no words in his dissenting opinion regarding the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals' refusal on Thursday to rehear the case of a Christian-owned women's spa forced by Washington state into admitting men.Judge Lawrence VanDyke, an appointee of President Donald Trump, wrote, "This is a case about swinging d**ks."''Sometimes, it feels like the supposed adults in the room have collectively lost their minds.'"The Christian owners of Olympus Spa — a traditional Korean, women-only, nude spa — understandably don't want them in their spa," VanDyke continued. "Their female employees and female clients don't want them in their spa either. But Washington State insists on them. And now so does the Ninth Circuit."The family-owned spa was accused of discrimination in 2020 for refusing access to a trans-identifying male whose penis was intact, and has been fighting an uphill legal battle ever since. In May, a three-judge Ninth Circuit panel ruled against the spa, holding that the First Amendment rights of its owners had not been violated by the state.The spa subsequently petitioned the Ninth Circuit for a panel rehearing and/or a full-court rehearing of the case. Those were denied, prompting VanDyke to go nuclear:Sometimes, it feels like the supposed adults in the room have collectively lost their minds. Woke regulators and complicit judges seem entirely willing, even eager, to ignore the consequences that their Frankenstein social experiments impose on real women and young girls. Yet if harmful and unfortunate consequences were all this case was about, we’d have to shrug and say: "That’s what comes with living in a democracy." Unless the Constitution is implicated, we get what we voted for “good and hard." But some fundamental rights, like the right to the free exercise of religion, are constitutionally protected precisely to avoid majoritarian infringement. Unfortunately, in this case the panel majority has allowed Washington State bureaucrats to trample on such rights long secured by the Constitution.VanDyke tore apart his colleagues' reasoning, stating that:"[Washington Law Against Discrimination] is not generally applicable because it treats comparable secular activity more favorably than Olympus Spa's religiously motivated activity";"WLAD's application is not neutral because it facially differentiates among religions based on theological choices by granting an exemption to only a small set of favored religious activities"; and"WLAD's woke redefinition of 'sex' undermines the hard-fought legal protections granted to women as a class and undercuts established criminal laws against voyeurism and indecent exposure."Some of the Trump judge's colleagues couldn't handle his criticism and frank language.RELATED: WATCH: Talarico self-owns when he warns fascism will 'be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross' Annie Wells/Los Angeles Times via Getty ImagesMary Margaret McKeown, an appointee of former President Bill Clinton who previously ruled against the spa, said in a statement that was joined by over 25 other Ninth Circuit judges that the American legal system is "not a place for vulgar barroom talk" or a "place to suggest that fellow judges have 'collectively lost their minds,' or that they are 'woke judges' 'complicit' in a scheme to harm ordinary Americans."McKeown claimed that VanDyke's language — not her decisions — "undermines public trust in the courts."VanDyke said in response to his colleagues' pearl-clutching:My distressed colleagues appear to have the fastidious sensibilities of a Victorian nun when it comes to mere unpleasant words in my opinion, yet exhibit the scruples of our dearly departed colleague Judge Reinhardt when it comes to the government trampling on religious liberties and exposing women and girls to male genitalia. That kind of selective outrage speaks for itself. The public deserves a court that is actually trustworthy. We should be earning that trust, not demanding it like petty tyrants."Sometimes 'dignified and civil' words are employed to mask a legal abomination. ... Sometimes coarse and ugly words bear the truth," VanDyke added.Go deeperThe spa, owned by a theologically conservative Christian family, is modeled on jjimjilbang, sex-segregated bathhouses in Korea, and requires that guests be nude inside the pool area.Court documents state the spa required that entrants "physically present in the nude as ... female," further noting, "Biological women are welcome." Under the rules, female-identifying males were welcome just so long as they had "gone through post-operative sex confirmation surgery." In other words, penises weren't permitted.In 2020, Caleb Richmond — a trans-identifying male who was once married to a woman and now goes by Haven Wilvich — attempted to use the Washington Law Against Discrimination to gain access to the spa. The spa reportedly denied the man access, prompting him to file a complaint with the Washington State Human Rights Commission.When the WSHRC notified the spa that it had received a discrimination complaint, the spa asserted that its "biological women"-only policy was in keeping with state law and "essential for the safety, legal protection, and well-being of our customers and employees," court documents said.'Washington has perversely distorted a law that was enacted to safeguard women's rights to strip women of protections.'Although initially defiant, the spa signed a pre-finding settlement agreement requiring compliance with WLAD while reserving the right to mount a constitutional challenge.Richmond reportedly boasted online that he had successfully found a way to legally invade the women's sanctuary. He wrote, "I did it," adding he got "the main naked lady spa in the area to change their policies and allow all self-identified women access regardless of surgery and genitals."Richmond further suggested that he was "more woman" than any of his female critics because he is "an intentional woman whereas they are only incidental."Myoon Woon Lee, the owner of the spa, sued the WSHRC, claiming that the WLAD, as enforced, impinged upon his "traditional, theologically conservative" Christian values and put his female clientele at risk.A Washington District Court judge dismissed the case with prejudice in 2023, but Lee appealed to the Ninth Circuit.A three-judge panel ruled in May 2025 that the spa cannot sue the WSHRC on First Amendment grounds. The majority held that the enforcement of WLAD "did not impermissibly burden the Spa's free speech," that the spa is "not an expressive association," and that "eliminating discrimination on the basis of sex and transgender status is a legitimate government purpose."Judge McKeown stated in her May opinion for the majority, "The HRC's enforcement action against Olympus Spa was a straightforward application of Washington's statutory scheme."Judge Kenneth Lee, a Trump appointee, said in his dissenting opinion, "Washington has perversely distorted a law that was enacted to safeguard women's rights to strip women of protections. The women and girls of Washington state deserve better."Like Blaze News? Bypass the censors, sign up for our newsletters, and get stories like this direct to your inbox. Sign up here!