Maintaining a healthy marriage comes down to effective communication. And when both partners in a marriage are emotionally intelligent, it establishes strong communication that strengthens a relationship. So what exactly is emotional intelligence?"Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and respond to emotions, both your own and your partner’s, with empathy and intention," Marisa Ronquillo, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Sacramento, California, and founder of Insightful Roots Therapy, tells Upworthy. - YouTube www.youtube.com For married couples, emotional intelligence is key to connecting with one another when issues arise."In marriage, it’s what turns conflict into connection," adds Ronquillo. "When partners can name what they feel without blame and listen without defensiveness, it creates psychological safety, which is the foundation of intimacy and trust."Here are eight emotionally intelligent phrases married couples can use to help strengthen their relationship:"I understand why you would feel that way and I recognize your perspective."Saying this to your partner will validate them."This phrase includes two key skills of emotional intelligence—empathy and validation—and allows for a difference of opinion in an understanding way," Danielle Dellaquila, a therapist and licensed social worker at Gateway to Solutions, tells Upworthy. "Using this phrase, a partner recognizes and validates their partner's emotions, helping the partner feel heard and understood. Even if the couple does not agree on the topic at hand, a response like this allows you to recognize what your partner is feeling without being dismissive or defensive. It helps to strengthen a marriage because effective conversation can come from a statement like this.""I need your support with [specific need]. Can we work on this together?"Your partner will feel like you're united and on the same team by saying this phrase."This phrase expresses vulnerability and a clear signal about need, while inviting both partners to work together on the solution," Danielle Sethi, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida, tells Upworthy. "Instead of framing the other as the problem, we frame problems as separate from us which allows us to work through them together.""I want to understand the part of you that feels that way."This phrase creates a platform for your partner to open up."This phrase demonstrates curiosity, rather than judgment," Lisa Chen, a marriage and family therapist, tells Upworthy. "And for the partner sharing their part, a partner's curiosity builds trust.""Let’s pause and come back to this topic after we both calm ourselves down."Sometimes stopping a conversation can be beneficial for both partners."This phrase can help strengthen a marriage during conflict by fostering healthy conflict resolution and self-regulation," notes Dellaquila. "It is each partner's job to manage and regulate their own emotions, and this statement recognizes the need for space to do so when a conversation gets too heated. The ability to voice the need for a break shows that the partner is aware of both their own and their partner's emotional state and can recognize when a pause is needed to self-regulate and ensure healthy communication about issues." @ddp8792 #girl #women #friends #dating #relationship #datingadvice #relationshipadvice #relatable "Help me understand what is going on for you emotionally right now."This phrase will erase confusion and open the floor for your partner to share."We do not always know what our partner is feeling or thinking, and it is not our job to mind-read or guess. However, this statement helps you gently ask your partner to open up about what they are feeling and shows that you care about their emotions and want to understand them truly," says Dellaquila. "It helps strengthen a marriage by showing support and a desire to understand and work with your partner through any difficult emotions they may be experiencing. It also helps prevent conflict that can arise from trying to assume what your partner is feeling.""I can see how that would be hard."This phrase is all about empathy."Validation is one of the most powerful tools in emotional intelligence," says Ronquillo. "This phrase signals empathy and acknowledgment, not agreement or blame. It softens defensiveness and makes your partner feel emotionally safe, which increases collaboration and closeness." - YouTube www.youtube.com "I felt [emotion] when [situation] happened. Is now a good time to talk about that?"Both partners will appreciate the freedom to process their emotions when using this phrase."This phrase allows a partner to share their emotional experience while respecting the other person’s readiness to engage," Sethi explains. "We aren't all ready for difficult conversations at any given time. This framing points out that couples need to make sure they are regulated and ready before entering a conversation so they do not explode on their partner.""What do you need from me right now—comfort, a solution, or just to be heard?"Asking your partner what they need encourages honesty. "So many arguments escalate because partners mismatch needs; one wants to vent, the other wants to fix," Ronquillo explains. "This phrase helps clarify intentions and align responses. It communicates presence and respect for your partner’s emotional process, strengthening mutual trust and emotional intimacy."

Many of us head into the kitchen with the best of intentions, only to come out with something burnt, bland, undercooked, overcooked, or mysteriously both at once. And while it’s easy to blame the recipe, the oven, the pan, the planets (or that one Pinterest creator who swore it would be “super easy!!”), often the problem is simply the habits we don’t even realize we’ve picked up.A recent Reddit thread asked professional chefs and bakers to share the most common mistakes they see home cooks make. What came back was a surprisingly wholesome mix of tough love, clever tips, and a lot of “oh wow, I totally do that” moments.Here were some of the most helpful (and funniest) insights they shared.1. Knife neglect + bad cutting habits Chopping fresh herbs and veggies for a meal.Photo credit: CanvaThis is a huge one, and lots of chefs mentioned it. Dull knives + poor knife skills = misery, apparently. “The last time my brother and I were both back home for the holidays we gathered every knife in the house and took them all to a professional knife sharpener. We’re talking about doing it again this year because trying to cut an onion on my last visit was an abomination.”“I grew up in a household where 20-year-old, never sharpened, Ginsu steak knives were used to cut literally everything in the kitchen. Once I moved out and started experimenting with proper knives, I was inspired to buy my mom a chef’s knife for Christmas one year.”“Learn how to cut things safely and properly.”2. Not preparing before you start (mise en place) Colorful toppings ready for cooking. Photo credit: CanvaKitchen chaos does not make for tasty food. “Get your shit ready so you’re not panicking trying to find/chop whatever, and cleaning as you go, for largely the same reasons. Clean mind, clean bench, clean food.”“Organize your area before doing anything else, if your area is cluttered you're gonna have a hard time. Clean as you go.”3.Skimping on simple flavor enhancers Kitchen essentials: salt and spices.Photo credit: CanvaMany referenced the book Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat to note that these four elements in generous, yet balanced amounts are crucial to good tasting food, no matter the dish. “Add an acid when you feel like the salt isn't helping. You are probably missing acidity. Citrus, vinegar, tomato sauce, etc.”“I’m a pastry chef and I even salt and acid pastry dishes, a lot of people think you don’t need to but you do. Vinegar in a sorbet can help make the flavour shine”“You need to salt a dish at every stage of its cooking, not just all at once at the end.”“Most of the time you need a lot more herbs and spices than you think.”“ALLLLLLL THE BUTTER!!!”4. Heat control problems A sizzling stir-fry in progress with fresh veggies.Photo credit: CanvaPeople mess this up constantly. And it’s understandable, considering that even these chefs couldn’t agree whether or not people used too much heat or not enough. Different foods call for different procedures. “Most of the people use too high heat, and end up burning food or cooking too quickly (hard dry chicken breast for example)”“Either not preheating pans or going the other way and getting pans too hot, people seem to be obsessed with cranking the heat up to the max in the belief it will cook faster.”“You're not cooking hot enough. Your pan is too cold and the food is too crowded in the pan. So instead of nice browning and searing, you're steaming your food and cooking it throughout too uniformly (think steak).”“Low and slow always beats high and fast.”5. Treating baking like cooking (it’s not) A baker's hands dusted in flour.Photo credit: CanvaGenerally speaking, baking is more science-driven and precise than general cooking, and requires you to follow instructions exactly. That said, one does need to develop an intuition for certain things, such as knowing what temperature works best for their individual oven versus what it says on the recipe, for example. “When it says beat your sugar and butter together, it means it. If you want the best results you can get BEAT IT. And I mean like, changing to a whole different colour. It should be white and fluffy. Don't be shy, don't be scared, keep going.”“If a recipe says 350 for 20 minutes. Do 350 and start your timer at 10 minutes. You can always give the recipe more time, but you can't take it away.”“FOLLOW THE RECIPE/INSTRUCTIONS. Baking is a science, if it asks for 250g of sugar, give it 250g sugar. Don't hold some back because you don't want it to ‘be too sweet.’ You do that, the whole recipe is out of whack.”“If a recipe asks for frozen berries, or frozen anything. Make sure they're still frozen when you add them to your recipe. If you let them defrost, you are adding extra liquid into your recipe and it likely won't turn out the way you hope.”“Every oven is different, every time you use that oven is different, etc. Timers are useful for reminding you that you have something in the oven, but beyond that you have to know what done looks/feels like. Probe thermometers are your friend.”“Sometimes recipes are wrong about things, even from otherwise solid bakers. Baking intuition takes time to develop, but if something seems wrong, it very well might be. It's okay to throw in an extra handful of flour or a couple tablespoons of water if it seems like you need it.”“Home bakers (and particularly Americans) are so terrified of overbaking things that they wildly, tragically underbake them. Some things (brownies, snicker doodles) are best if you just barely bake them, but a lot of things (particularly breads, viennoiserie, some cookies, etc) need to get properly, richly browned. Color is flavor! Raw flour doesn't taste good! Gelatinize your starches, caramelize some sugars, and crisp up that crust, people!”“Not using a kitchen scale for baking is asking for trouble.”“My friends always ask for recipes when I bake, and I will give it to them but STRESS how important timing, temp, and accurate measurements are to get the same result. Inevitably, I end up receiving texts about how it didn't come out right, and have to tease out of them that they used cold butter from the fridge when it said softened, or white sugar when it called for brown, put something in without preheating the oven to temp, or whisked everything for five minutes on high when it called for slowly adding and folding in by hand... There are so many people out there who just do not believe baking is a science requiring attention to detail!”“Dear Lord, it is SO much about just following the instructions. There is usually a specific reason for why someone says to do a thing a specific way. If something is unclear, Google it to clear it up. Baking is incredibly unforgiving if you decide to go rogue.”6. Overcomplicating food (or blindly following recipes) Holiday baker following a recipe on a tablet in a festive kitchen.Photo credit: CanvaThese are two sides of the same coin because they both point to a lack of confidence—whether that means adding too many contradicting spices in hopes of adding flavor, or not developing one’s own sense of taste by rigidly obeying the rules. “Expensive ingredients are [not] necessary. Start with the cheapest ingredients and work your way up. I used incredibly cheap cream cheese and expensive butter. Play around and find your brands.”“Simple recipes are ninjas. I have a four ingredient biscuit recipe that could carry a breakfast menu. My grilled cheese sandwiches can increase soup sales. Life is celebrated with big meals. However, life is lived between the day to day meals.”“Recipes are your starting point as a home cook, but over time they should help you develop techniques and intuitions so that you're adaptable and no longer need a recipe to cook anymore or find ways to improve a recipe to your liking.”“Not tasting a dish as you go and developing a sense of taste to help drive your dishes and help build intuition for what's missing. Too many people want clean measurements for adding salt, spices, or peppers but everyone's taste is different and you need to get comfortable with your own sense of taste to know what and how much of a thing a dish is missing.”“The biggest mistake in following Pinterest recipes…They almost ALWAYS need adjusting. The famous one in our household was this Pinterest recipe my wife wanted to try out with the low key name of ‘World’s Best Chicken’ or something similar. It was this very mid honey mustard-ish chicken. We were both so disappointed. I looked at her and asked her to make it again tomorrow … but make one change. Peanut butter … like maybe half a tablespoon…Had it again the next day with the change and it WAS the best chicken we’d ever had.”7. Using too many gadgets A wide array of kitchen appliances.Photo credit: CanvaTools can be great, but chefs agree they can also overcomplicate things, two exceptions being the rice cooker and immersion blender.“My two unitask gadgets - a rice cooker and an immersion blender. I honestly can't stress how much better my cooking game got with an immersion blender.”“I think Alton Brown said the only single-use kitchen item everyone should own is a fire extinguisher.”8. Letting past failures keep you from practicing A not-so joyful cooking moment in the kitchenPhoto credit: CanvaThis was a big one. Not only a lesson for the kitchen, but life in general. “Life happens, and food doesn't always listen to our expectations. Pick one recipe and do it a hundred times…We practice and explore with curiosity. Play and explore with one recipe.”“Failure is your teacher and not your enemy. You will mess up seasoning a dish, over or under cooking a dish, or some other technical matter but too many people let those experiences dissuade them from experimenting or getting outside their comfort zone in the future to try more difficult dishes and improve. When you fail, ask yourself what worked and what didn't work in the thing you made; those lessons will help improve your cooking going forward.”…and a few honorable mentions, either because they were helpful or just funny. Chef pup ready to serve some pawsome treats! ?️?Photo credit: Canva“Thinking they can caramelize onions in 10 minutes. Yo that shit takes forever to do properly and if it doesn't, you didn't actually caramelize the onions.”“Trying a dish for the first time when entertaining…Trial it with your family or neighbours before you attempt to make souffles for the first time for 30 guests.”“Try to mix textures. If your dish is soft, try to add something with a crunchy texture to give the whole dish a more pleasing composition.”“A lot of people dress up their dog in a chef costume and try to teach it to act as an assistant chef, walk on hind legs, etc. Rarely work. The dogs eat everything.”Underneath it all was one reassuring message: good cooking, like any art form really, isn’t about perfection—it’s about practice, persistence, and mastering a few game-changing basics. No need to avoid mistakes entirely. Just learn from them.

It’s hard to imagine humans having anything in common with an octopus. The differences are obvious: an octopus has no bones, is aquatic, has tentacles, etc. Yet, there are some similarities between humans and octopuses. A musician found a surprising trait that octopuses and humans share: the ability to play the piano.Swedish musician Mattias Krantz rescued a live octopus from a fish market, which he named Tako after the Japanese takoyaki dish. He rescued the animal in order to conduct an experiment to see if he could teach it how to play the piano, sharing his findings and failures on YouTube. After six months of trial and error, bonding, and training, Krantz developed an aquatic pull-lever keyboard for Tako to play on and jam along as Krantz played the guitar. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Mattias Krantz (@mattiasyoutube)“I almost forgot sometimes that Tako was destined to become someone’s dinner and now we’re making music together,” said Krantz on YouTube.Krantz went through a lot of trouble to develop a keyboard that Tako could play underwater and to develop an interest within Tako to play it. First, he was able to create a waterproof keyboard that Tako could play by pulling levers that would push down the keys rather than requiring Tako to press down the piano keys himself. Secondly, and arguably more difficult, was teaching and coaxing Tako to play his new instrument. Krantz tried to use lighted keys, fake crabs, and vibrations in his tank (to represent sound as octopuses don’t have ears) to get Tako to hit various keys and notes. In spite of all these new treats, stimuli, etc., it was a struggle to get Tako motivated to pull a lever to hit a minor key much less develop any sort of melody. - YouTube youtu.be All seemed to be failures until Krantz developed a “crab-elevator” that would lower a treat to Tako as he pulled the specific levers to each key. After that, it was a matter of repetition and bonding to get Tako to “play jazz” along with Krantz. Now, whether he’s aware of music itself or not, Tako has learned to play with his musical toy.While this experiment is rather wild, some may not be surprised at Tako’s ability. Octopuses have been shown to use tools and are able to distinguish humans from one another. They’re able to open jars, solve puzzles, and are considered aquarium escape artists. In spite of physical differences, octopuses share similar intelligence genes that humans have and a Brazilian study suggests that they can even dream. Partially because of their intellect, there is a growing group of people questioning whether to eat octopuses. - YouTube youtu.be There are also scientists who believe that, by studying octopus brains, we might have a better understanding of our own.“The octopus is a special invertebrate. By studying how the brain functions in octopuses, we can maybe learn new tools to interfere with our nervous systems or to understand our nervous system better,” Nikolaus Rajewsky, PhD, scientific director of the Berlin Institute for Medical Systems Biology of the Max Delbrück Center (MDC-BIMSB) told GEN. So what about Tako? While Krantz initially planned to return him to the ocean, he decided to keep the domesticated octopus as his pet, companion, and occasional keyboardist for impromptu music jams. Whether the experiment proved anything or not, it developed a lasting bond between man and cephalopod.

You’re at a party and find yourself talking to someone stuck on a boring topic. They’ve been ranting on and on for the past 10 minutes about how they ran a marathon, and you have to find a polite way to exit the conversation without making them feel bad. In fact, you’d actually like them to feel great about the time they spent talking to you. But how can you leave the social interaction while still making the other person feel good?You’ve given them all of the nonverbal cues that you’d like to exit the conversation. You folded your hands and smiled back, tight-lipped, signaling you don’t have anything else to say. However, they’re missing all of the cues and just keep talking about mile 17 of their marathon. That’s why you use the SAT, or Sandwich-and-Thank method, that Renée Zavislak, a California-based integrative therapist, shared with Verywell Mind.The SAT (Sandwich and Thank) methodSandwich:Come up with a compliment first, “What an amazing achievement it is that you were able to run a marathon,” you tell them while patting them on the shoulder. Or, "I never knew it was that hard to run a marathon—that’s an incredible story."And:Be sure you use the term “and” between the compliment layer and the thank portion and not "but." When people say "but," it immediately negates what came before, so you don’t want to let them down by reversing the wonderful compliment you just gave them. You want to avoid saying, "What an amazing achievement it is that you ran a marathon, but..." “All of a sudden, when you say ‘Yes, and,’ you're taking it in a positive direction. You say ‘Yes, but,’ you're taking it in a negative direction," communication expert Vinh Giang says.Thank:Finally, you thank them for the information, their time, or attention. "By ending this way, you take the burn out of what could otherwise feel like a rejection," Zavislak said. Then you put it all together: “What an amazing achievement it is that you were able to run a marathon, and I need to go make a phone call. Thank you for the wonderful chat. See you at the next get-together.” A bored woman.via Canva/PhotosWhen executed correctly, the person you were speaking to feels like they got their message across and that you enjoyed your time talking with them. It was a positive interaction, and you were able to exit the conversation without making the other person feel judged. This shouldn’t be confused with the compliment sandwich, where you say something positive, throw in a negative in the middle, and end on a positive, which has fallen out of fashion in recent years. When using the SAT, you don’t say anything negative. You compliment, then state your intention to exit the conversation.People-pleasers should set boundaries A bored woman.via Canva/PhotosThis technique may be a little hard for people-pleasers who are stuck in the conversation, thinking: “They’re going to think I’m rude if I leave,” or “I’ll just have to wait this out until they stop.” If that's you, realize that exiting the conversation of your own volition is simply creating a boundary around your time and, possibly, around your need for respect. When people monopolize conversations and are clearly boring the person they’re talking to, they are putting themselves first.“There’s no way around it; that awkward feeling is part of the change process,” Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D., writes at Psychology Today. “But with some practice, your discomfort with setting boundaries will subside. When you can manage your anxiety about facing issues head-on in more helpful ways than in the past, you’ll know you’re practicing healthy boundaries."

Despite the stereotypes, highly intelligent people actually come in all types. Some have no problem bragging about their smarts or accolades, while others are more humble because they don’t need to call attention to their brilliance. However, without tooting their own horn, certain hallmarks of intelligence are noticeable in how they approach people and situations. It seems that having a big brain is a hard thing to hide.One of the undeniable characteristics of someone very intelligent is that they exhibit mental flexibility. They change their opinions when they don’t have enough information on a topic and can apply what they’ve learned from one subject to another. They also tend to have a great sense of humor, proving that their brain can easily connect different ideas.A Redditor asked people on the ProductivityCafe subforum to share the “subtle signs that someone is intelligent.” It created great conversations about the characteristics of intelligent people and how their smarts seem to influence every part of them, from their personality to their ability to avoid unnecessary conflict. iron man maestro GIF Giphy Here are 15 subtle signs that someone is very intelligent.1. Curious about multiple subjects"They like to learn about any and everything.""And remember details and concepts later. A desire to understand and curiosity about the subject at hand."2. They change their minds"They can change their mind when presented with new information.""This is definitely the best / most noticeable answer. Intelligent people agnostically process new information. They don’t just “automatically” deny anything that they don’t know or is inconsistent with what they already know. Intelligent people - it’s not what they know, it’s how they interpret / process new information.""As John Nash, the mathematician allegedly once said; when the facts change, I change my mind!"3. They process humor quickly"They get the joke sooner than most people. Happens once in a while in movies or group settings: one person starts to laugh way ahead of everyone else. That’s one with a super fast processing mind (I know one). It is totally unconscious, so cannot be faked."4. They like being corrected"When you correct them, they're actually happy about it because they get to learn something new.""100%. This is often referred to as growth mindset."Well, actually gif Giphy5. Great sense of humor"Humor is a marker for intelligence. Truly dumb people aren’t funny.""Agreed but I would add that witty or dark humor is more intelligent than mean, cruel, gross humor. If someone’s 'wit' is just the same structure of putting other people down or being gratuitously shocking or gross, then no.""A really good sense of humor. To be really funny, you have to be very observant and able to see things in ways that others don’t."6. They make you feel smart"They explain some things to you in a way that makes you feel intelligent.""Einstein said, 'If you can't explain what you are talking about to a six-year-old, you don't fully understand it yourself.'"7. They think before they respond"They don't react. There is always a delay... and then, they respond.""They observe, they pause, and then comes the long encyclopedic reply." Think Sesame Street GIF Giphy 8. They know when to be quiet"Yes, I have come across people with no filter, and have to argue about everything, and that can be exhausting.""Never miss a good opportunity to shut the f**k up."9. They're great at banter"Yes, and quick word play/good puns."10. They ask about your thought process"If someone is inquisitive. They want to know how and why you think the way you do. Most people don’t do this."11. They know what they don't know"Even very intelligent people don't know about every topic. They understand this and don't pretend to be an expert or speak to things they don't specialize in. Or they use analogies to connect it to things they do understand. They understand that there is a lot they do not know, especially about their given specialties.""Some people have so much ego, that they have an inability to say that they don’t know the answer to a question. They’ll either give a bullsh*t answer, or try to shrug off the patient’s concerns entirely. Nobody knows everything. If you don’t know, there’s no fault in admitting that, and then using resources to find the answer." Who Knows Idk GIF by MOODMAN Giphy 12. Physical intelligence is important, too"I wish people could understand intelligence in many forms—being good with your hands is intelligence. Being able to learn elaborate choreography is intelligence. Being emotionally responsive and understanding microexpressions is intelligence. It’s not just regurgitating facts. I’m a fact regurgitator myself, but I have a lot of respect for things I can’t do."13. They don't get into drawn-out arguments"Not raising their voice during a disagreement. Shouting over each other is to try and win an argument with intimidation rather than logic.""Argue with an idiot and there's two idiots."14. They think for themselves"They don’t have herd mentality. Specifically in politics, religion, and pseudoscience.""I remember the first time that I understood that not picking a side was a valid option for many situations. It was like a record skip moment in my head."15. They use a bidet"They own a bidet and don’t use toilet paper. homer simpson episode 23 GIF Giphy This article originally appeared this year. It has been updated.

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There is good and evil that we are being acted upon at all times … You are subject to forces from outside yourself.""