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Some people just haven't gotten the memo: You really don't want to heckle comedian Steve Hofstetter. He's become one of my favorite stand-up acts both because he's just funny but also because of his brilliant ways of shutting down hecklers and other rude patrons who show up for his live act.In this case, Hofstetter was in the middle of a bit where he quipped, "I don't like people." It was part of a larger joke recalling how he'd had a bad interaction with a police officer but that he was "still alive" because he was a white male.Hofstetter was talking about how most cops like the joke but others get offended. His point was that if you get offended by a joke about cops killing innocent people, you're probably not a good cop. Just as he was finishing up the joke, a person in the front of the audience got up. When Hofstetter politely asked the guy to stop talking so loudly, the man said, "I'm going."He then followed up, telling Hofstetter, "You disrespected me, so I'll disrespect you."The man then went on a tirade, stealing a drink from another customer and getting into an argument with the club's bouncers. He also got into a shouting match with another patron before finally stepping outside.Hofstetter tried to lighten the mood, joking, "I think he's mad that the Meghan Trainor concert was canceled last night. Maybe he's all about the bass, I don't know."He then disclosed to the audience that the heckler had actually approached him before the show, asking Hofstetter to roast some of the friends the man had shown up with, which he refused to do.That's when one of the heckler's companions told the comedian that the heckler was actually himself a cop. And that the man the heckler was shouting down was actually another cop who was embarrassed by his bad behavior."I know to drive slowly when I leave," Hofstetter joked.But just to make it clear that he wasn't out to give all cops a hard time, the comedian noted that he actually thinks most cops are good people; he just wants them to speak up more when a bad cop does something wrong, comparing it to how comedians call out each other all the time when one of them crosses the line. And that's something we should all be able to get behind without the need for a hilarious punchline.This article originally appeared on 12.12.16

For most of us, there is an enormous chasm between what we think and say aloud. Comedians, artists and writers have the privilege of being able to speak their minds publicly, but for most of us, it’s hard to find the right time to be brutally honest. That causes a big problem because many of us are tortured by thoughts and feelings that we think may be inappropriate. When, in reality, many folks feel the same way, they just can’t share them either. That’s why the internet is so awesome. It gives us a place to be honest and share what we wouldn’t discuss at a polite cocktail party. A Redditor named Fastenbauer asked folks on the AskReddit forum to share something that “everybody knows” but “nobody says aloud,” and it received over 3,500 responses. Many revolved around ways life is inherently unfair and how human civilization is more precarious than we’d like to admit.Some of the ideas the posters shared are a little dark, but that’s okay if it lets some people know they're not the only one who thinks that way. Here are 15 things that everybody knows but nobody says out loud.1. Sane parents are a privilege"Having mentally sane parents is one of the most important privileges in life, yet it isn't talked about nearly as much as race, class etc.""I don’t think that people who do have mentally sane parents know this or will ever truly understand this."2. Friendships are fragile"Some friendships only last as long as they're convenient or beneficial.""Not all friendships need to be deep and permanent. I don't stay in touch with most of my friends from my former job, but that doesn't mean we weren't friends. If circumstances brought us together again, we'd probably easily continue where we left off."3. Looks matter"Looks do matter, and they matter a lot.""As someone that went from a chubby neckbeard gamer type to a ripped athletic type that actually does skincare and grooming...yeah, yes it does and a lot. It is a night and day difference the way people interact with you.""Looks determine whether you will get a job, If you can get a date or If a person in public will be nice to you or give you contempt and definitely how people perceive you."4. Money matters"And it does buy happiness. Yeah, there are diminishing returns after a certain amount, but more money usually means a happier individual.""This is because money means financial security. Buying food when you're hungry. Having a home without fear. Freedom to travel an appreciable distance. Not having to worry so much about personal life changes like job loss, pregnancy, or health problems."5. Flattery works"Flattery will, in fact, get you everywhere.""Yeah, you might be the most skilled person in your field, but at some point, you WILL have to play along if you want to get a better salary/position/situation."6. Being alive is strange"That being alive at all and conscious is just really, really weird.""It's like when you wake up from some messed up dream and think, 'What the hell was that? Thank god I'm back in the real world,' only to then realize that you still really have no idea what's going on and never can or will know.""Why is there anything at all? Seems more probably there would be absolutely nothing. No stuff, life, atoms, etc. everything just never having ever existed. Why is there anything at all?"7. We all have dark thoughts"We all have dark thoughts that we don't act on.""Learning the name for this (intrusive thoughts) and that it's not uncommon was such a huge relief. I love the internet."8. Emotional intelligence is underrated"Something I’ve noticed among colleagues is that the ones with strong EI/communication are the ones that are thriving in this difficult market. The soft skills are HUGE and unfortunately only business students learn about it.""Most people don't even know what it is, and when you tell someone they don't have it, they get angry with you because of it... showing they don't have it."9. Adulthood doesn't exist"We are all just kids walking around in grown-up bodies.""I’m 50. Looking around and NOT seeing any grown-ups is terrifying"10. Nothing really matters"Our world is a house of cards. It’s all meaningless, but we all rely on the structure, so no one wants to knock it down.""The idea of meaning was created by us. There is no meaning or value inherent to anything. We make things have meaning or value through our biased perception."11. Do you really care?"When someone asks 'How are you?' they don't actually want to hear how you are.""The thing is, it’s not actually a question. It’s a polite, perfunctory greeting disguised as a question. And the appropriate counter-greeting is something along the lines of, 'Fine, thanks. And you?' Answering honestly isn’t being radically honest. It’s just messing up the flow of the greeting."12. Luck is huge"Everybody knows that success often comes from luck and timing, but we rarely admit it. We prefer to believe it's all hard work and talent.""To credit something other than hard work is to admit that people aren't fully in control of their own circumstances, which breaks the whole 'work hard, get ahead' schtick."13. People who get paid the least do most of the work"Anyone working a fast food job is working way harder than most of us."14. We're trying our best"No one actually knows what they're doing. We're all just trying our best.""Been working at a cellphone retailer for 2 months now and it’s amazing how many guys have been here for years and literally have no idea what buttons do when they’re pushing when doing a sale. There’s maybe one or two that actually understand what they’re doing."15. Complaining vs. fixing"Most people spend their time complaining about things out of their control rather than fixing things in their control.""Also why people get annoyed when you point out solutions, because they tend not to want to focus on solutions to their problems. Only venting about them."

Everyone who's been a parent knows that babies cry and it's not always obvious why. You can run through the list of possibilities and try to address each one—hungry, thirsty, sleepy, uncomfortable, gassy, wanting to be held, needing a diaper change—and they still might cry. Babies cry for a reason, but because they can't talk, they can't tell us what the reason is. Once all of the logical reasons have been eliminated, all you can do is try different things to see what helps—bouncing or rocking, going outside, taking a bath or some other distraction. And thanks to researchers and a musician from the U.K., "The Happy Song" might be worth adding to the Crying Baby Toolbox. "The Happy Song," performed by Imogen Heap, was specifically designed to include elements that induce happiness in babies. Researchers surveyed 2,300 parents in the U.K. to find out what sounds made their babies happy, and the top answers including sneezing (51%), animal noises (23%), baby laughter (28%) and other sounds ultimately got incorporated into the song. As the university shared on its website when the song was created in 2016:"The two-minute tune takes us on a bouncing melodic journey of cute lyrics and funny sounds - from the sky to the ocean, on a bike, submarine and even a rocket. 4/4 tempo was chosen as it is the most popular and easy to dance to. Imogen composed the song in the key of E flat as it was the key Scout sang a melody in on their first studio session."The song was tested on dozens of babies and adjusted until they had the perfect mix of happy. It was truly a collaborative effort, with Dr. Caspar Addyman and Professor Lauren Stewart, C&G baby club, Imogen Heap, advertising agency BETC London and music consultancy Felt Music all contributing to the project.The final result even includes Heap's husband whistling and the sounds of a Pomeranian dog. Parents have been sharing how "The Happy Song" stops crying in its tracks, and it's almost miraculous how well it works for a whole lot of babes out there. Watch how this young baby stops crying as soon as he hears the song start to play: @salliehasemeier01 “The Happy Song” by Imogen Heap is literally MAGIC. #firsttimemom #babyboy #4monthsold #fyp Here are twins that were getting fussy in their high chairs, but as soon as they heard the beginning of "The Happy Song," they stopped: @kwardo86 And yet another baby in full fuss mode who immediately calmed down when the song played: @lana.kearney I am a wizard and can make your baby stop crying #babyhack #thehappysong #parentinghack A lot of parents have found the song particularly helpful in the car. Some babies love to ride in the car and others hate it, but when a baby cries while strapped into a car seat, there's not a whole lot you can do. It's not like you can safely pick them up and bounce them on your knee in a moving vehicle. And if you're the person driving, you can't even really reach the baby to soothe them any other way. So having this song in your pocket to pull out during a screeching car ride could be a lifesaver, as it was for this mom: @whataboutaub Does this work for your baby??? #baby #newbaby #parentingtips #parentinghack #pregnant #newborn #happysong #happy #roadtrip #family #mom #newmom #momhack #momtips #fyp #trending Parents in the comments share how much the song has helped them when nothing else seemed to work to calm down their wee ones."Haha we listen to this song 100x a day. ?""My baby’s favorite song. Always helps calm her.""This is a bop! not as annoying as other songs for kids ? sing it constantly.""I discovered this before my baby was even born, I’m not even joking when I say I owe Imogen a check at this point because this song has never failed to calm my baby boy down. He’s 12 months now.""Is you memorize the song he’ll stop when you start singing it to? at least my son did lol.""Is the only thing that makes my 10 month old stay still for a diaper change. The negative? It’s in my head 24/7.""In home daycare provider! I turn it on when they’re getting super upset and it works!!"A few parents shared that it doesn't seem to work for their baby, but most pledge their eternal gratitude to Imogen Heap and the others who were behind the song's creation. If you've had a crying baby, you know what you'd give to find the magical thing that might get them to stop and the desperation you feel when it seems like nothing is working. With 62 million views on YouTube, this song is clearly working for a whole lot of folks. It's definitely worth a try, at least. - YouTube www.youtube.com