Most of the time it’s tough to know if someone is flirting with you because they have to be subtle. They can’t be too obvious because if the feeling isn’t mutual it can be pretty embarrassing. It’s also tough to detect if someone is flirting because most of the time it’s someone you don’t know very well. Do they like me or are they normally friendly?It hurts to imagine the number of times we’ve all missed signals that someone was interested in us and a potentially wonderful romance never happened. However, studies show that it happens more often than not.A study on heterosexuals published in Psychology Today found that women were only 18% accurate in recognizing men’s flirting, while 36% of men were accurate about women's flirting. However, we’re really good at knowing when people aren’t flirting with us.In the same study, women were 83% accurate in seeing friendliness as just friendliness, and men performed about the same at 84% accuracy.Jeffery Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, says there are five main styles of flirting: physical, traditional, polite, sincere, and playful.Physical flirting involves “communicating sexual interest” to a potential partner. Traditional flirting is a tactic primarily used by introverts, where men tend to take the lead and women assume a passive role. Polite flirting involves the use of “proper manners” and is a cautious way of showing you like someone.Sincere flirting involves telling the person you’re interested, and playful flirts like joking around but their efforts rarely turn into substantial relationships.A Reddit user, who has since deleted their profile, asked a great question on the AskReddit subforum that should be a big help to those who have a hard time spotting flirtation. They asked, "People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"A large number of people who responded to the thread gave practical advice on the behaviors that are a giveaway that someone is flirting. The most popular responses are eye contact and laughing at your jokes, even if they aren’t funny.Here are 15 of our favorite social cues that show someone is interested.1. The dance of plausible deniability."Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability."Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not. That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time."If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it. You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting. Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same."Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too :)" – three_furballs2. Give 'em a chance to be alone."If you're in a group of friends (new or old), find a natural opportunity to hang back. Someone who's interested in you will notice and take the opportunity to talk to you in private. Now this isn't full [fool] proof but it'll at least give you the opportunity to feel for any chemistry between you." – Kagamid3. Conversation should be two-sided."Be wary of a one-sided conversation. If your responses are met with mostly "yeps" and "uh huh" and nothing without meat, its probably not going well." – ViciousKnids4. Ignoring their friend."If they look directly at you while talking to their friend it's a good sign." – yassis_bru5. The reaction shot."I read once that if someone looks at you after someone (doesn't have to be you) said something funny and everyone is laughing, they like you. From personal experience, it's true." – luv_sicK6. Lots of eye contact."They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones. They initiate physical contact. They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you)." – TheSurfingRaichu7. Trust then test."In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense. It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence."When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend. If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it ... Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question." – MildlyWyld8. Mirroring."Does their body turn toward you or away from you when you talk? Do they mirror your body language?" – Perfect_Draw5169. They touch you."Physical contact. Granted, not everyone flirts the same way but a good sign is if they touch your arm (or the like) or you find them smiling the whole time that you’re talking to them." – Cosmic_Marman10. Special eye contact."When you're in a public space, the direct eye contact (for a beat or two too long) and the look away. One of my go-to moves that always yielded results." – LuLu4211. Bad jokes."Seriously tell a bad joke - look for laughter and smiles that should not be there but are. Then it’s you they are into, definitely not what you said." – YukonBrawler12. Facial gestures."According to Sherlock: licking lips, eyes cast down towards the other persons lips, quirky smile of the lips, dilated eyes. And if the person has long hair, tucking it behind their ear or other fidgety behavior." – fandomfangirl113. Mimicking body language."In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking does the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign." – flungkle14. Little adjustment."I've noticed that women will do a little adjustment to you, like brushing off a little piece of lint off your lapel or moving a stray hair off your face while talking to you. At least they did back in my rogue days." – robfrankel115. Take your shot."If you're at a bar and a woman makes eye contact for more than a second without looking away, shoot your shot." – sle7in360There you have it! If you're picking up any of these signs, it might mean you can go ahead and shoot your shot (respectfully!). Good luck out there!This article originally appeared three years ago.

When someone makes a change to their appearance, they are usually hoping for a positive reaction from those they care about. Let's be honest, even if you're not the kind of person that seeks approval from others, compliments can boost your day. But it's impossible to like every single change to someone's appearance because we all have different styles so what do you say if you hate the new look?Most people may think it's best to say nothing if they're not directly asked which is great advice if you're talking about someone you don't know well. Saying nothing when your significant other leaves the house with brown waist-length hair and comes back with a blonde bob might end in hurt feelings and a night on the couch. Instead of lying about how you feel about the change they've made you could simply ask them how they feel about it first. If they love it, then you can simply say, "I'm so glad you love it" while pointing out something positive but truthful, like "the blonde really brings out the color in your eyes." The person will walk away feeling complimented and you can feel good about not lying, though it's not always that easy. Episode 5 Nbc GIF by Will & Grace Giphy Sometimes an excited friend or partner will directly ask the question, "what do you think" after revealing a change or new purchase. This is generally where the anxiety comes in because you don't want to be the one that deflates their balloon but you also don't care for the change. Seems this dilemma has caused many discussions with varying answers on how to properly answer it. Bad Hair GIF by Nat Geo Wild Giphy In response to someone asking what to say about a bad haircut their friend just received, one person says in part, "if you are close enough to criticize each other, then tell him in a way that suits your friendship level. But in general, I think it’s better to mirror your friends feelings. Especially when it comes to a persons appearance. So if they like it? you love it! If they hate it? you dislike it but it’s not their fault, so it’s fine! But you can gently add in some constructive hints or tips. for example; 'it’s good, I think it will look even better when the sides grow out,' 'the volume is great, it will look even better when it’s a bit longer in the front,' 'i like this, I thought your old cut was also great— maybe next time you could try something that’s a mix of both.'" Episode 1 Nbc GIF by The Office Giphy Another person responds, "A good rule of thumb for good manners when discussing someone's appearance is never criticize anything that can't be fixed in 5 minutes or less. Given that he has to grow out this cut, and that will take at least weeks or months, let it go. If he likes it and it's what he wanted then don't rain on his parade because you don't personally find it flattering.""It’s easier to tell someone politely but it might be harder for them to accept the fact that questions that are none of their business, such as looks, weight, whether or not someone is pregnant or planning on having children to name a few are none of anyone’s business, including yours," someone says after an internet user anonymously inquired about disliking a friend's plastic surgery results. Al Pacino Oscars GIF by The Academy Awards Giphy "Unless, and I emphasize this, the person is a very close friend and asks for an intimate opinion, do NOT criticize how they look especially if you think it is overdone," another says in response. Gauging someone's reaction to their altered appearance will help guide your response if asked directly. Being honest without shattering the person's confidence in their looks can be a delicate line to walk, especially if the person is particularly sensitive. Hopefully trying one of the options listed will spare feelings while keeping relationships in tact.

Everyone cares what others think about them because it’s part of our nature. We want to be loved and accepted by our social pack or tribe because it’s essential to survival. Historically, those excluded from their tribes have faced having to live on their own and lost access to valuable resources. In some ways, as humans, social excursion is tantamount to death. However, caring too much about other people's thoughts can also become a huge problem. Obsession with other people’s opinions can lead to actions that contradict our core beliefs. It can also lead to low self-esteem and prevent people from doing what they like because they fear being judged. This can be incredibly challenging in today’s world when we have to deal with other people’s opinions online. Whether it’s a comment on an Instagram post or scrolling through Facebook and reading someone's views on politics or pop culture, we are constantly faced with other people’s opinions. How do we stop caring about what other people think? How do we step back and develop a healthier relationship with other people’s opinions? Daniel Glaser, a renowned neuroscientist, says we can start by changing the stories we tell ourselves. “I have this person in my head called the ‘critic’ or the ‘editor,’ and at my worst, I’m incredibly good at conjuring up the person who would be most critical of my performance,” he told Vogue. “As a species, we’ve evolved to tell stories about ourselves, to create narratives. We make things real, and then those things change how we act.” A young woman looking in the mirror.via Canva/Photos Glaser says that to stop worrying about other people’s opinions, we need to imagine someone being very pleased and positive with ourselves. “The trick isn’t to not care what others think, but to care about the right people,” he says. It’s like when you tell yourself not to think of an elephant; that’s all you can think of. Instead, think about someone being pleased with your Instagram post before you put it up or think about someone loving your art before you show it to people.“If you’re trying to plan projects, imagine a specific person saying a really cool thing…so the trick isn’t to stop yourself thinking of other people but to vividly conjure up someone who’s delighted with what you’ve done,” Glaser continues. The trick: Think about someone thinking of you positively. How to stop caring about other people's opinions Mark Manson, the author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k” is a bit of an expert on not caring what other people think, and he has a different way of seeing things than Glaser. He believes that if we care too much about what other people think, we need to start elevating our game and doing things that are so important that other people’s opinions don’t matter. A young woman doesn't care about a man's opinion.via Canva/Photos “When you have something truly important in your life, something you’re willing to be ridiculed for, that’s when you’ll stop caring about others’ opinions. Ironically, that’s also when people start respecting you,” Manson wrote on his blog. “Imagine a burning building with a baby trapped inside. If you were the only one who could save the baby, you wouldn’t care what others thought. You’d run into the fire without hesitation. That’s an extreme example, but the principle applies to everyday life.” Manson suggests asking yourself: What’s so important in your life that you’re willing to be ridiculed for it? If you’ve been wondering how to stop caring what other people think, you’ve already taken an important first step in confronting the issue. But understand that there is a reason why you care what others think; the key is to find a balance where those opinions won’t stop you from being yourself and doing what you love.

When Abdullah Ghazanfar snapped a picture of Mt. Fuji through the window of a Japanese bullet train, he had no idea his photo would bring joy to millions of people. Considering the fact that it's one of the most photographed mountains in the world, a snapshot of Mt. Fuji taken quickly through the tiny window of a moving train doesn’t seem particularly noteworthy, but it’s not the famous peak that makes the photo so special. It’s the adorable couple ducking down below the window so Ghazanfar could take it in the first place.“I was on the shinkansen coming back to Awaji island, where I live, after spending New Years in Tokyo,” Ghazanfar tells Upworthy. “[The couple] saw me taking a picture and then ducked down so I could get a better shot. I would've properly come forward and zoomed in, but didn't want them to be down there for too long, so just quickly snapped the picture and said thank you. Showed it to them and they had a laugh and really liked it too.”Ghazanfar sent the photo to his best friend, who shared a screenshot of his text on X with the caption, “I think this is one of the best things I have ever seen.” — (@) Clearly she wasn’t the only one to think that. The screenshot went viral on X and has since gone viral on multiple social media platforms, with people raving over the wholesome moment."This is the sweetest thing I've seen this week!!!""It’s their smiles for me. They were so happy to do it.""I like them more than Mt Fuji.""Their wholesomeness is more beautiful than the mountain.""They are the view."""Seriously even I want to thank these guys. ??"People also shared how they'd experienced similar kindnesses when traveling in Japan."After 2+ years in Japan, I can say that pretty much sums up my experience. ❤️""Just came back from Japan. Japanese are the kindest people I have ever met. ?""As someone who visited Japan, I can vouch for how darling the people were. ?""Your experience reflects so many interactions we had with the Japanese when we visited their beautiful country. Strangers always so helpful, generous and kind!""This is why I love Japan so much ?"Going viral on social media wasn’t Ghazanfar’s nor his friend’s intent. They were just sharing a lovely moment of genuine human kindness, but that authenticity is part of what makes it so wholesome. Anyone can make a manufactured image for clicks, but this was a spontaneously captured act of kindness and then shared just for the joy of it. Things like this happen every day all over the world, so on the one hand it isn’t something extraordinary. But these kinds of simple interactions are powerful reminders of humanity’s positive side—reminders we all need, especially on social media. Here's the pictures prequel to see how we got here ? pic.twitter.com/lCGwkzZDqG— Hjönk (@gnawsguz) January 4, 2024 Ghazanfar says he’s still looking for the couple and that he puts out a call on every share that tags him, in the hopes that he can check in with them about the photo going viral. (If you recognize this couple, let us know!) “I’m glad the picture is out there making [people] smile,” says Ghazanfar. “And I just really hope I can get some real confirmation from the old couple involved that they're happy with it, since I really didn't think the picture would get this out of hand. But I guess it belongs to the internet now.”Just imaging this sweet couple in Japan who either have no idea of the delight they’ve brought the world or who have chosen to remain anonymously kind strangers is enough to make you smile, isn’t it?

If you ever cook with fresh garlic, you know what a challenge it can be to remove the cloves from the skin cleanly, especially if you're starting with a full head. There are various methods people use to peel garlic, with varying levels of success. Doing it by hand works, but will leave you with garlic-smelling fingertips for the better part of a day. Whacking the head on the counter helps separate the cloves from each other, but doesn't help much with removing the skin.Some people swear by vigorously shaking the skinned cloves around in a covered bowl or jarred lid, which can be surprisingly effective. Some smash the clove with the flat side of a knife to loosen it and then pull it off. Others utilize a rubber roller to de-skin the cloves. But none of these methods come close to the satisfaction of watching someone perfectly peeling an entire head of garlic with a pair of tongs.A video shared by the TikTok channel Learn Green shows what appears to be a woman's hands holding a large head of garlic in one hand and small metal tongs in the other, and within 30 seconds, the skin is separated from the cloves without any damage to the garlic, and it's a thing of beauty. Just when you think there couldn't possibly be anything new social media can offer humanity, a video comes along that blows your mind and changes your life for the better. Watch: @learngreen Garlic Master ? #good #garlic Garlic master, indeed. People in the comments clarified that the tongs appear to be fish bone tweezers, which are a bit like ice tongs, but sturdier. And the reactions to the video were pure internet gold:"The way I want to go on the ultimate garlic peeling spree now, for absolutely no reason.""It takes me 2-3 business days to peel fresh garlic.""My flabbers have been gasted.""I am telling you I haven't done a damn thing right in my entire life.""No thx, I'd rather cut each one individually, struggle, throwing half of it away away in the process and getting angry at myself by the end of it."Several people lamented that they've never known they had this wonder tool at their disposal."Are you telling me that I've had a garlic peeler in my drawer all these years and didn't even know what to do with it until just now?""I have that set of tong things. I didn't know it was for garlic.""You finally throw away that 'useless' thing in the kitchen drawer you had for years the day before you find out what it was for."Others sung the praises of "TikTok University." "I believe after so many of hours of TikTok we get college credits.""At the very least a masters degree in life skills.""I have learned more on TikTok than school.""I don't know what other people's feeds are like but I'm learning something every 6 minutes."And in case you're wondering, this person is not the only garlic master with the tongs. There are other videos showing the same thing, and they are all just as mesmerizing. @c_wondersoffarming Garlic peeling! #satisfying #decompression #garlic #peeling #lifehack #tool Seriously, this is what social media should be used for—succinctly sharing useful, helpful skills that actually add to our quality of life. (Helpful tip for getting the most out of TikTok: Don't scroll past garlic peeling videos if you want your feed to teach you valuable hacks like this. Game that algorithm in your favor.)This article originally appeared last year.

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure. Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.” Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) ?” A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.?""The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets. Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory. These matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented. Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias. One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!” Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there. Many adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled. Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!This article originally appeared last year.

Over the past few years, women named Karen have taken a lot of heat in the media. The term "Karen" has been used to describe a specific type of entitled, privileged and often middle-aged white woman. Typically, "Karen” is depicted as demanding, self-important and constantly seeking to escalate minor inconveniences to authority figures, like demanding to "speak to the manager."Identifying the folks who create unnecessary drama in our world is important. But calling them a “Karen” isn’t the best way to solve the problem. There are many reasons to have an issue with the “Karen” stereotype. First, it’s terrible for people named Karen, and it’s also a connotation that many feel is racist, sexist and ageist. Further, according to a new study by Trustpilot, the stereotype isn’t accurate. A recent survey by the online media site found that the people who leave the most one-star reviews aren’t female, and the women who do it the most aren’t named Karen.Trustpilot is a site where people can review a business from which they’ve purchased a product or contacted customer service. According to TrustPilot, the number one biggest one-star reviewers are named John, not Karen.“The name John is top for [one-star] reviews in the US, with the rest of the top five positions filled by David, Michael, Chris and James,” the site wrote in a press release. “Looking at specific categories, John is also first for negative reviews in Business Services, Electronics and Technology, Shopping and Fashion, and Money and Insurance. Meanwhile, Lisa left the most [one-star] reviews in our Beauty and Wellbeing category.”So, if your name is Karen, keep this story in your back pocket next time someone stereotypes you as an entitled complainer. The real complainers are the Johns and, for the women, Lisas.Why do people go online and write negative reviews? Psychologist William Berry writes in Psychology Today that people get many positive benefits from complaining, although they may annoy everyone around them.The first big reason is an ego boost. When people complain, they feel validated. It also makes them feel superior to others. Complaining can also bring like-minded people together. If you and a significant other have ever been mistreated in a restaurant or car dealership, having a mutual enemy can work wonders for your relationship.There are also entire groups of people who bond over a common gripe.People who habitually complain may do so because of the brain’s negativity bias. “The human brain, geared for survival, focuses on negatives (as they appear more threatening to survival) than on positives (which enhance life but are less vital for survival),” Berry writes. “As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for. Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness.”Here are the top 15 names of consumers who leave the most one-star reviews on Trustpilot. (Also known as the folks that owe the Karens out there an apology.)1. John2. David3. Michael4. Chris5. James6. Mike7. Mark8. Robert9. Alex10. Paul11. Lisa12. Sarah13. Steve14. Sam15. DanielThis article originally appeared two years ago.

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while. Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days." In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror." — (@) Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom."I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post. — (@) They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest. Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting. Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring. "When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom." When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please." Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate. This article originally appeared two years ago.

An unlikely influence. The post Maria Callas: the legendary soprano who inspired Patti Smith first appeared on Far Out Magazine.

by Elizabeth Wiebel, Breitbart: Retired Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman criticized incoming National Security Adviser Mike Waltz’s plan to clear out each “intelligence official” serving in “various departments and agencies” throughout the federal government who is “currently detailed” to the National Security Council (NSC). In a post on X, Vindman responded to an interview Waltz had with Breitbart News’s Washington […]