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New WNBA Fans Grow Frustrated Waiting For Next Dildo Toss
The WNBA is basking in a wave of new fans, but not all are thrilled with the league’s pacing. Oran G. Manbad, a self-proclaimed “sports guy” who recently discovered women’s basketball via a viral clip, is among the frustrated. “How long do I have to wait to see the dildo tossed onto the court?” Manbad griped, scrolling DraftKings on his phone. “I bet a lotta cash on whether it’s purple or neon green and if it’ll be handled by hand or kicked off. This is dragging.”
Manbad, who admitted to switching to the WNBA from “real sports” like monster truck rallies, wants the league to streamline its spectacle. “Just do the dildo toss right after the tip-off,” he suggested, adjusting his camo trucker hat. “Then I can flip back to something with actual stakes, like cornhole on ESPN8.”
The WNBA, delighted by the influx of fans like Manbad, is scrambling to keep them engaged beyond their niche obsession with court-side sex toy antics. League commissioner Tue Namuncher, in a bold pivot, proposed borrowing a page from the NHL’s Detroit Red Wings, who famously celebrate hat-tricks with octopus tosses. “We’re encouraging fans to throw wigs on the court when a player completes a triple-double,” Namuncher announced, nodding to Kahleah Copper’s iconic wig-shedding moment that briefly trended harder than a TikTok dance. “It’s a tribute to our athletes’ flair and resilience.”
Manbad, overhearing the idea at a sports bar, lit up. “Wig toss? Brilliant!” he exclaimed, already refreshing DraftKings to check the odds on synthetic hair colors. “I’m gonna clean up betting on which wig hits the hardwood first—blonde bob or rainbow afro. But, uh, can anyone in the WNBA even get a triple-double?” he asked, squinting at a stat sheet he clearly didn’t understand.
The league’s data suggests triple-doubles are rare but not impossible—stars like Alyssa Thomas and Sabrina Ionescu have pulled them off. Still, Manbad’s skepticism reflects a broader issue: new fans seem more invested in prop bets than the actual game. “I don’t care about layups or whatever,” Manbad said, sipping a warm beer. “Just tell me when the wig’s flying or the dildo’s dropping. That’s the content I’m here for.”
Namuncher remains optimistic, insisting the WNBA can convert these fair-weather fans. “We’re exploring other fan engagement ideas,” she said, dodging questions about whether “Dildo Night” is on the 2026 promotional calendar. “Maybe we’ll add a halftime vape cloud competition or let fans vote on which player gets to yeet the dildo back into the stands.”
As the WNBA navigates its newfound audience, Manbad and his ilk wait impatiently, refreshing betting apps and muttering about “real sports.” For now, the league’s biggest challenge isn’t three-pointers or rebounds—it’s keeping fans hooked long enough to realize the game itself might be worth watching.
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