UTL COMMENT:- Albanese is so OUT OF TOUCH

Pinocchio originated from The Adventures of Pinocchio, written by Italian author Carlo Collodi in 1883. Collodi, born Carlo Lorenzini, was a journalist and writer known for his children’s literature and political satire. The story was first serialized in 1881-1882 in a children’s magazine before being published as a book. It was intended as a moral tale to teach lessons about honesty and good behavior. The character of Pinocchio has since become an iconic figure in literature and popular culture. Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio Review Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio is an original and somewhat somber take on the well-known fairytale that is vastly superior in many ways to most of its other cinematic brothers. The overall aesthetic is gorgeous, with del Toro’s distinct gothic style and panache for symbolism, breathing life into more than just the titular wooden puppet. Unfortunately, that same complexity may alienate younger viewers who are far less interested in existentialism and the nature of ethics than they would be in a brightly colored and easily digestible morality tale. When combined with a slightly blurred narrative that completely overshadows the moral of the original story, the importance of honesty, the film sometimes tends to drag. This uneven pacing and its murky central theme does much to stall the audience’s emotional connection to its events. However, for those looking for a generally family-friendly film that celebrates the importance of fatherhood and the vital meaning that children can bring to one’s life, they could do far worse.   INAPPROPRIATE ELEMENTS Parental Guidance Suggested Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio is rated PG for good reason. Its themes range from melancholy to macabre, and while it is never graphic, neither does it shy away from some mature subjects. Geppetto’s biological son dies just off-screen in a bombing. One of the film’s villains falls off of a cliff to his death. The camera follows him all the way to the rock that he crashes upon. Even though the camera angle hides any blood and broken bones from view, we hear him splatter against the stone and see an arm and a leg sprawled out hanging over the side. A son is physically abused by his father, who picks him up by the throat, strangles him as he casts dispersions, and then throws him to the ground. Another villain regularly threatens other characters by holding the tip of his sword to their throats. How Dry I Am Suffering from the loss of his only son, Geppetto becomes an angry and bitter drunk who is shown several times stumbling around with a bottle of alcohol. Seig Heil The film is set during the rise of Mussolini, between the First and Second World Wars. As such, there are a number of characters who give the Nazi salute, including but not limited to a Catholic priest. Cheese and Crackers Ewan McGregor’s Sebastian J. Cricket exclaims, “Oh my God” at least once.   WOKE ELEMENTS Are You a Good Catholic or a Bad Catholic Early in the film, Geppetto and his son are seen praying over their meals and attending Mass. Geppetto even carves a large and beautifully intricate Crucifix for his local church. However… ***SPOILER ALERT*** Geppetto’s son is killed in a church ***END SPOILER*** while other “spirits” and supernatural beings play an integral role in Pinocchio’s life. The latter has been the case since the original 1800s story, but the fact that Christ was made so important yet seemingly impotent later on could be taken as a slight. However, it’s never explicitly said that this is the case, nor does Geppetto ever forsake Christ. Since it is so open up to interpretation, I didn’t remove any points. The Catholic priest is portrayed as a Mussolini supporter who gives the Nazi salute. Even though others are shown to give the salute out of fear, and it isn’t expressly stated that the priest isn’t doing so as well, his character is largely unneeded. This, and del Toro’s past comments on religion, leads me to believe that this was a deliberate slight. I didn’t ding the score hard due to the fact that the priest is only briefly in the movie.  

It’s early in Batman’s crimefighting career, and Gotham is at its peak corruption. The Caped Crusader will have to fight his way through a rogue’s gallery of familiar and new faces if he hopes to quiet the demons that drive him. Batman: Caped Crusader Review With Caped Crusader, Bruce Timm, the producer who brought us the incredible Batman: The Animated Series in the 90s, tries to recapture lighting in a bottle, and just like the saying implies, it proves impossible. With an aesthetic that only deviates slightly from that seminal work and some real directorial brilliance, this iteration of Batman is sorely missing a key ingredient: Batman. Comprised of just 10 episodes, Batman often feels like an afterthought. The first half of the season focuses almost entirely on its cadre of diverse, strong, independent women, and Batman is little more than a background curiosity or a plot catalyst. In later episodes, The World’s Greatest Detective shines a little more brightly, but these instances are the exception. This is a shame because much of what the series offers is quite good. Batman: Caped Crusader boasts the same excellent animation as the 90’s series, only with today’s high fidelity. The direction and storytelling are crisp and engaging; for a cartoon, its characters are multi-dimensional and nuanced, and most of the voice acting is excellent. Unfortunately, the latter takes a major dive with the program’s lead. Hamish Linklater, who voices the titular Dark Knight, delivers an almost flawless Kevin Conroy impersonation… if Conroy had spoken in an emotionless and robotic monotone. It’s a flaw that ruins what precious little screen time Batman gets. Ultimately, Batman: Caped Crusader is a forgettable and derivative entry into Batlore, lacking the dynamism and focus of its 90s predecessor or the distinctiveness and fun of series like the divisive The Brave and The Bold.   INAPPROPRIATE ELEMENTS – BATMAN CAPED CRUSADER We Are The Letter People See Love is Love in the Woke Elements. #$%!^&*@ There are multiple damns and hells, and variations thereof The Lord’s name is taken in vain several times with “Oh my God,” “Jesus,” and the like. M is for Murder The Penguin brutally murders her own sons. A dirty cop shoots and murders someone. L is for The Way You Looked At Me At one point, Dr. Quinzell, who is providing court-mandated anger management therapy for Bruce, asks him if he’s ever been in love or “in lust” with someone. WOKE ELEMENTS I Ain’t Need No BatMAN For the first half of the 10 episode season, Batman gets far less screentime than the strong independent diverse ladies of Gotham. With the exception of one or two of the later episodes in which he and his adventures are the focus, even the later episodes in which he is featured more don’t have him driving the plot. Batman teams up with Barbara Gordon instead of the Commissioner. When she’s not running her own mob, Penguin is a tall, mannish woman named Oswalda who sings at a nightclub and wears men’s clothing as men swoon. Harvey calls Barbara “sweetie,” and she makes a big thing out of it. Oswalda Cobblepot (aka The Penguin) wears men’s clothing and towers over Batman. Love is Love DC Comics has been shoving gay pegs into our round holes for decades now, and making Harley Quinn a lesbian has become one of their favorite tropes. However, all other animated iterations have been relegated to shows rated for mature audiences, not so with Batman: Caped Crusader. In this show, rated safe for children aged 14, Harley and Detective Renee Montoya spend several episodes looking at one another with googly eyes before finally going on a date and sharing a romantic kiss. There’s a brief scene with an ambiguously gay actor character. Montoya and Harley Quinn passionately kiss in Batman: Caped Crusader The Great White Nope Not every villain or jerk is a white guy, but, except for Batman and Alfred, every adult white male is a dirty cop, corrupt politician, vain opportunist, man-baby, or a heartless rich scumbag. In one scene, the police station has to quickly evacuate, and a white police officer abandons a woman handcuffed to his desk to save his own life. Barbara ends up saving her. Harvey Dent lets wealthy white girls off while throwing the book at minority defendants. Catwoman is a spoiled rich brat who steals to supplement her dwindling inheritance. Super-Babes Barbara is naturally great at everything and always right. Harley Quinn bests Bruce in a battle of wits. I Said Celluloid, Not Cellulite The animators must have needed extra ink because now Montoya, Harley Quinn, and Alfred need Ozempic. Gotta have those body positive comicbook characters. DEI, It’s What’s For Dinner. So, Get Ready To Swallow Harley Quinn isn’t just dumpy; she’s also inexplicably asian. Barbara Gordon is black. James Gordon isn’t just black; he’s an actual DEI hire. The corrupt white mayor reminds him that the only reason he got the job was to generate “good headlines” for him. Much like the infinitely better Animated Series Batman: Caped Crusader is set in an alternate 1930s and 40s, but white people aren’t even close to being a majority. I actually didn’t take many marks off for this since it is an alternate reality. No More Joking Around Harley Quinn’s origin used to be that of a psychiatrist who was tortured, broken, and turned by the Joker. In Batman: Caped Crusader, she is still a psychiatrist, but now she is broken by the inhumanity of wealthy white men. That’s not hyperbole. After spending years listening to her rich white patients divulge their dark secrets to her, she snaps and turns to villainy.  

The House with a Clock in Its Walls is a fantasy film about a young boy named Lewis Barnavelt who goes to live with his eccentric uncle Jonathan in a mysterious old house. Lewis discovers that Jonathan is a warlock and that the house is filled with magical secrets, including a hidden clock with a sinister purpose. Along with their neighbor Florence, a powerful witch, they must race against time to find the clock and prevent an evil plot from unfolding.  

Trap revolves around Cooper (played by Josh Hartnett), who takes his daughter, Riley, to a concert by beloved pop artist Lady Raven. However, Cooper soon discovers that the concert is actually a trap set to catch him. Trap Review Josh Hartnett can’t seem to get a fair shake. After starring in 2001’s schmaltzy, melodramatic, and never-ending Pearl Harbor, he’s never quite been able to find a place for himself in Hollywood. However, after a surprisingly excellent turn in last year’s smash hit, Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer, one might be excused for thinking that things were looking up for the one-time heartthrob. This makes it doubly unfortunate that he found himself seduced into this ill-conceived mash of reject-dialogue nonsense written by someone who has apparently never interacted with another living human being. No doubt Hartnett was intrigued by the possibility of stretching his thespian stride over the dead bodies of the serial killer perfectly named for this creative black hole, The Butcher.  Yet, under Shyamalan’s direction, Josh struggles to find a balance between over-the-top cartoon and brutal and cunning monster. Only adding to the tragedy is that Harnett shows signs of brilliance from beneath the weight of unnatural dialogue and interactions with performers behaving like aliens who have only studied humanity via streaming services. This is to say that very little, if any, of what’s wrong with Trap has anything to do with Harnett. That dubious distinction rests solely on M. Night and his casting director(s), though mainly on the former. Whereas Hartnett is a strong enough performer and was given just enough material to find nuggets of humanity to emote, the rest of the cast is left with dialogue and situations that make one wistful for Lesley Headland and The Acolyte. That said, M. Night’s daughter, Saleka, who plays the pop star Raven and gets the lion’s share of the screen time after Hartnett, looks and sounds completely lost every moment that she is not belting out a vapid ear-drilling poptastrophe. Yet, as dumb as the premise and as tedious as its many and more concert scenes might be (and they are), the first half of Trap is serviceable, thanks almost entirely to Hartnett. While he charismatically serendipities his way from scene to scene, discovering more and more of the FBI’s impossible plan, the film’s many weaknesses could be forgiven as those of a dumb-fun summer thriller. But like much of modern cinema, Trap doesn’t actually have enough of a story to fill its already truncated runtime, and it runs out of gas at the end of the second act. This leads to a meaningless and flat conclusion with an almost palpable feverish desire to deliver a signature Shyamalan twist. The overall result is a movie that borders so bad that it’s good.   Trap Drinking Game Rules: Sip: Take a small sip of your drink. Gulp: Take a bigger drink. Shot: Take a shot or finish your drink. When to Drink: Sip: Whenever a generic pop song plays. Whenever Raven talks to the audience. When Josh Hartnett’s character, The Butcher, narrowly avoids law enforcement. When someone talks directly to the camera in a closeup shot. Whenever the daughter says her dad is acting “weird” or “strange.” Gulp: When one of The Butcher’s victims is viewed via a smartphone app. When a twist or surprising moment happens (especially if it feels forced). Shot: When someone performs a particularly cringe-worthy performance. Whenever you feel the movie borders on “so bad it’s good” territory. Every time M. Night Shyamalan appears on the screen. Bonus Round: Finish your drink: If Josh Hartnett has a moment where he shines despite the dialogue, delivering a genuinely good performance. Remember to drink responsibly and have fun!   WOKE ELEMENTS Blinded By the Light I didn’t see any. Let us know what we missed below.

Thirteen years ago, Game of Thrones captured the imagination of audiences worldwide with its high-concept fantasy, masterfully written intrigue, and well-defined characters played to perfection by charismatic performers. 2022’s House of the Dragon, while not the heart-pounding global (at least for a few seasons) phenomena of its forefather, gave fans a respectably well-done spinoff series that honored the source material. House of the Dragon (S2:E1 – A Son for a Son) Set 200 years before the events of Game of Thrones, season 2 of House of the Dragon picks up days after the conclusion of Season 1. Westeros is on the verge of war as the already cloven royal family reals in the aftermath of Prince Luke’s death at the hand of his cousin Aemond. Unwilling to forego vengeance, will Queen Rhaenyra’s next actions set the whole of the country in dragon flames?   House of the Dragon (S2:E1 – A Son for a Son) Review Season one of the series was already at a disadvantage when compared to the electrifying early seasons of GOT. However, it quickly found its own voice, distinguishing itself as a more deliberately paced affair far more interested in political intrigue than in being an epic adventure with global repercussions. Episode 1 of this season continues the trend even though it also sets the groundwork for what look to be set pieces to rival the scope, if not the emotional connection of Game of Thrones. And that’s really where this episode suffers the most: a lack of emotional connection. Unhelped by the two-year gap between seasons 1 & 2, A Son for a Son doesn’t possess the same connective tissue as even some of the weakest episodes of its older brother. Its characters seem to blend together with names that are even more similar and indistinguishable from one another than they are. All in all, the somewhat slowly-paced episode 1 of season 2 of House of the Dragon is held together by good performances and promise.   WOKE ELEMENTS Oh, Varys Game of Thrones had no shortage of strong women in leadership roles. However,  unlike Daenerys and Sansa, who went through hell only to gain power organically, or Cersei, who schemed and connived her way to power and ultimately ruin, the leading ladies of House of Dragon wield power much more like their male counterparts. Furthermore, the competence scale has significantly tipped in their direction. With all of his flaws, even after losing his hand, Jaime Lannister’s character arc was both that of finding redemption and, once again, becoming competent. Season 2 of HOTD seems to be setting the stage to make the men more or less irrelevant. It’s fairly subtle at this point, and I might be wrong about the show’s trajectory, but I doubt it.   House of the Dragon (S2:E2 – Rhaenrya the Cruel) The drama continues as the consequences of Daemon’s impetuousness begin to bear poisoned fruit. The Red Keep is in turmoil, the king is furious, and war is inevitable.   House of the Dragon (S2:E2 – Rhaenrya the Cruel) Review Rhaenrya the Cruel is another perfectly satisfactory entry into the series. The performances are consistently fantastic, and the dialogue is better than almost anything else out there right now. However, the show still hasn’t reached GOT’s intrigue or on-the-edge-of-your-seat thrillingness. Instead, it continues to give off a very soap opera-like vibe, though with infinitely better script, performances, and production value.   WOKE ELEMENTS Floppy Wieners I’m all for the franchise’s complete omission of gratuitous nudity. It added nothing to the original series and served as little more than cheap titillation. However, while this series shows a marked reduction, they make a concerted effort to hide female nudity without the same consideration for the men. Don’t get me wrong, junk isn’t spinning in the wind in scene after scene, but they will show completely naked men (junk hidden) while giving half-ass-crack shots to women playing dancing whores. It’s not an accident. Geography Schmeography One of the things that gave the original such a wonderful sense of scope was its clearly defined geography, as shown by clear racial and cultural divides. You know, like the totality of human existence was before cheap and easy mass transit was a thing. Heck, have you been to modern-day Japan or Norway? They’re filled with Japanese and Norwegians.   House of the Dragon (S2:E3-E8) [membership level=”1,2″]Beautifully acted with exquisitely crafted dialogue, all directed with aplomb, episodes three through eight are among the most artfully repetitive stories ever penned. It’s sad to say, but House of Dragon has taken the bane of modern storytelling, which is stretching too little story over too many episodes, to the next level. One of the show’s many refrains is that of Rhaenyra’s Small Council’s concern that Rhaenyra, while intelligent and well-meaning, doesn’t understand the nature of warfare as do men. As she flounders in inaction, only to MacGuffin her way to success, it’s difficult not to see the ironic comparison between her and this season’s mostly female writers. As one conversation transitions to another conversation between two characters whose names you will never remember, one can only lament the absence of Game of Thrones’ early dynamic and its multiple disparate yet tangentially related story arcs, all designed to merge into what ended up being rather disappointing. However, until it let us down, it was quite a ride. Conversely, this entry into House of The Dragon is little more than a setup for season 3.   WOKE ELEMENTS Kneel Before Broad The series only begins to gain momentum once every single primary male character has been meaningfully humbled or humiliated. In fact, one of the leading males only becomes a fully actualized person after he literally kneels and abases himself before a woman. Furthermore, it is a woman who shows him this path to salvation by humiliating him throughout the season. All of the series’ men (with perhaps two minor exceptions) are either petty, weak, dumb, brash, overly aggressive, deadbeat dads, or shortsighted. In contrast, the women are all wise, temperate, and brave. A young, stoic, and stolid woman schools a sad and weepy man (one who has seen many battles) on the nature of honor and glory in death. Unlike GOT, which generally stuck to cultural mores akin to Hight to Late Middle Ages Europe, making Daenerys’ rise to power all the more meaningful, 200 years before Winter came, women speak with impunity. They are leaders in every facet of every society (foreign and domestic) and regularly best the men around them. There’s some lip service given to the evils of sexism, but it is used to make a male character look foolish, and its inconsistency only makes the feminist agenda of the writers that much more obvious. Random Acts of Lesbianism Having zero impact on the story and even less buildup, Rhaenyra and WhatsHerFace passionately kiss one another. The randomness of this cannot be overstated. Another female leader of men offhandedly asks a man to have sex with her wives. It was completely irrelevant to the plot, and there was no hint of her sexual leanings prior to this.[/membership]

Remy is a rat who dreams of becoming a great chef despite his family’s wishes and the obvious problem of being a rat in a decidedly rodent-phobic profession. When fate places Remy in Paris, he finds himself ideally situated beneath a restaurant made famous by his culinary hero, Auguste Gusteau. Despite the apparent danger, Remy forms an unlikely partnership with Linguini, a young kitchen worker at the restaurant. Together, they create culinary masterpieces, impressing critics and customers alike.

Lilith, a loner bounty hunter, is tasked with saving a kidnapped girl only to discover that she’s a pawn in the evil machinations of corporate greed. Borderlands Review Thanks to fun and bouncy movies like The Super Mario Bros. Movie and quirky series like Fallout fresh in their collective memory, audiences have quickly forgotten just how bad video game film adaptations can be. After all, travesties like 2005’s BloodRayne or the Jean-Claude Van damn-what-did-I-just-watch Street Fighter are ancient history, right?  Fortunately, the folks responsible for Borderlands were kind enough to remind us of our recent privilege. Benefitting from detailed and quality set and costume designs, as well as execution, Borderlands fails at everything else. Not even its Academy Award-winning actresses can vomit up its trite and uninspired dialogue without looking like little more than talented college performers. However, the film’s ineptitude is most exquisitely exemplified in its meaningless adventure. Borderlands is a test case in MacGuffins and convenience. Need to find something important? No problem; the unassailable lead will “get a feeling” just in time to find it before lucking her way out of certain death. Even for a film inspired by a game series best known for its silly sense of humor and first-person shooting, one might expect that a video game movie would be able to handle something as simple and as standard as a fetch quest or that it might understand basic adventure principles. Instead, the film is moved along by literal buses that show up just in time to move key characters to key locations filled with helpful characters who know key bits of information, not to mention characters physically stumbling over plot devices. “But James,” you say, “we’re not expecting much from this film. Surely, it provides some dumb fun and enjoyable characters meshing together in a charismatic ensemble.” It does not. Borderlands is the flat and expired can of Shasta Cola of ragtag ensemble space adventures. What comic relief there is has been recycled more than airplane cabin air, and none of the 1-dimensional characters give us sufficient reason to care about what happens to them from one moment to the next. Halfway through the film, I forgot that Kevin Hart was even in it, only to be reminded by his sudden reappearance at the end. Perhaps, were its plot “twist” not as obvious as your great aunt’s hairy goiter, the movie would have something worthwhile to offer. However, without a single interesting character or original thought and a charmless ensemble with the chemistry of rust, Borderlands is Atari’s ET of video game movies.   WOKE ELEMENTS FULL DISCLOSURE: I fell asleep for about ten minutes in the middle of this cinematic Ambian and could have missed something. Mary Sue Cate Blanchette is the quintessential Mary Sue. She’s got a tragic background and hard-as-nails flawlessness, and the whole movie exists only as an excuse to tap her full potential upon accepting how great she truly is. This is a very female-heavy cast, which isn’t inherently woke. However, since it completely rejects the game player and filmgoer demographics, it’s hard not to see the casting as agenda-driven. Where Have All The Cowboys Gone Kevin Hart’s character is the only male character who isn’t severely mentally handicapped, evil, weak-willed, borderline feral, or exists exclusively for comic relief. As I said in the review, I forgot he was in the film halfway through. White Boys Don’t Like Space With the exception of a single NPC and some very few background extras, white boys were either non-existent or evil henchmen.

Bluey follows the adventures of a 6-year-old Blue Heeler puppy named Bluey and her family. Each episode focuses on Bluey, her dad, Bandit, her mom, Chilli, and her younger sister, Bingo, as they engage in imaginative play and explore everyday experiences. The show emphasizes themes of family bonding, creativity, and problem-solving, often highlighting the importance of play in a child’s development. Woke Warning: In the season 3 finale, Pretzel casually mentions that he has two moms, saying, “My mums told me he might come back, but he didn’t.”