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The Noble Art of Screwing Up
A modern twist on an old proverb claims that to err is wise. That’s a moral perversion of the original saying, and very much in keeping with our times. Because what the proverb actually said was that to correct oneself is wise. To err, in truth, is still idiotic. I’m an expert on the subject — I know what I’m talking about. What has real value is admitting you were wrong. Something that, I don’t know, George Soros, Hillary Clinton, or that mustachioed sperm whale Nicolás Maduro will never do. (RELATED: Trump Squeezes Maduro’s Narco-State)
It’s easier to mess up with ideas than with actions. Some people behave decently, but their ideas are riddled with flaws. Most of my left-wing friends are like that. They’re all for illegal immigration in theory, but the day a Moroccan — one of those that King Mohammed pardons from prison and ships off to Spain — steals their wallet, they suddenly react with a surprising amount of common sense, sometimes even overshooting it. They’ll say things like, “He should’ve had his hands cut off and been thrown into the sea.” And then I, supposedly the extremist, step in to clarify: there’s no need to leave him maimed, just send him back in one piece to his country. Following the law saves you a lot of hours in surgery.
Even leftists, when they really analyze a problem, often land on a stupid solution: “If you leave him maimed, darling, not only will he keep stealing in Spain, he’ll also qualify for a lifetime disability pension that we’ll be paying for.” It’s almost always cheaper to apply the laws we already have than to invent new ones. Almost always. Not always. Sometimes it does require building a wall.
I’m often wrong about politicians. When Trump first appeared as a possible candidate, I thought he was a clown. Today, I firmly believe that, clown or not, he holds the salvation of the West in his hands and is on the best path possible.
I hate people who are always right, because they’re only right after something terrible happens — never before. One day, I was trying to climb onto a surfboard in a swimming pool. I admit it was a dumb idea, but that didn’t matter. My whole life suddenly seemed to depend on pulling it off. I tried several times, and a friend lounging in a chair said, “You’re going to kill yourself, Itxu.” Hearing this, not only did I not give up, I doubled down. So much so that when I tried to jump onto the board from the pool ladder, one foot stayed behind, drifting away from me like Columbus’s ships leaving Spain, while the ladder grew slipperier by the second. Focused on not snapping in half, I suffered a catastrophic fall in which, in addition to ripping open my leg, smashing my balls, and scraping my back, I fractured my knee and suffered an even deeper fracture to my pride. My friend, instead of helping, just kept reading his novel and muttered, “I told you so.” That’s why I hate people who are always right — after the accident.
We are Temu’s knockoff version of God’s image, and we live under the metaphysical impossibility of being like Him.
With time, I’ve realized that being wrong is man’s natural state. Not so for women, who are never wrong. And if you want to stay a man, biologically speaking, never tell a woman she’s ugly, that she talks too much, or that she’s wrong. All in all, human beings will always get it wrong. God made us in His image, but AliExpress and Temu also make things in Ralph Lauren’s image — and if you’ve ever bought anything from a Chinese store, you already know the trick.
We are Temu’s knockoff version of God’s image, and we live under the metaphysical impossibility of being like Him, as Adam and Eve discovered when they tried to be the smartest in paradise and struck up a chat with a snake — when any sensible human would have died of disgust at the sight of one. Adam and Eve, our first parents, may not have been the sharpest pencils in the box, but we still have to love them. After all, they were wrong — just like we almost always are.
We’re wrong a lot. With age, we grow wiser, but above all, more stubborn. Doubting what you believe, what you know, or what you think you can do isn’t a sign of weakness but of intelligence. Conservatives, and generally those of us who see ourselves as heirs to the Greco-Roman and Judeo-Christian heritage, know that it is doubt that has made thought progress. This is not a hymn to relativism, but quite the opposite. Relativism is cured by doubting, because nothing is more dogmatic and pigheaded than a relativist. Because we know there is truth — and because we want to reach it — that is why we doubt, and why we aren’t ashamed of being wrong.
It would be far easier to have friendly debates with progressives if they were kind enough to occasionally question their own mantras, to think independently, to show even a glimmer of critical spirit. I often thank God, not for being more or less right in my political views, but for giving me faith, values, and an ideological framework that lets me live free every single day of my life.
I prefer the freedom to be wrong over the prison sentence of having to always be right.
P.S. If any of my ex-girlfriends happen to read this, please know that everything I’ve written here is a lie, and of course, I WAS RIGHT.
READ MORE from Itxu Díaz:
Techniques for Dodging the Loudest Drunk at the Party
‘Permanent Things’ Must Remain Permanent
A Case of Happy Inefficiency: Accidental 911 Calls
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