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I’m One Of 11 Kids. Here’s Why The Internet Doesn’t Realize Big Families Are Great.
This article is part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s new home for culture and lifestyle. Real human insight and human stories — from our featured writers to you.
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I’ve spent my entire life watching people’s eyes widen when they discover I have 10 siblings.
“Any twins?” they always ask.
“Nope.”
“All from the same parents?” they wonder.
“Yes!” I tell them.
“It must be loud around there,” they laugh.
It’s louder than you think. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So you can imagine my amusement when I stumble upon very-online big family debaters clutching their pearls over influencer Hannah Neelman — better known as Ballerina Farm — and her nine children.
Some argue that big families just aren’t for everyone. Others, like pro-abortion playwright Rebecca Reid, suggest parents of large families cannot give their children adequate “time, attention, and connection.”
Very few people, if any, are telling young women that they must have big families. We do hear constant warnings about how unfathomably hard and expensive children are and how children limit your freedom, your fun, and your time with your spouse. On the flip side, we also hear constant chatter about how women can balance career and family if they truly want to. Are we not allowed to hear about the women, like my mother, who defied the world and raised a clan at home?
As the oldest daughter and second-oldest child in a very large family, I can tell you firsthand that big families are not universally wealthy, and parents of such broods certainly aren’t calculating how much each child costs before they make the decision to have one more. These mothers and fathers look at life and family differently.
When you ask them how many children they are going to have, they’ll probably tell you with a big smile, “As many as God sends us.” And if you question how on Earth they plan to pull this off, they will probably say something to the effect of what my own mother told me: “God gives you the grace, one child and one day at a time.”
Families like mine don’t have a dozen children to “own the libs” or populate an aesthetic Instagram page. They’re open to life and to as many children as God blesses them with based on their deeply held religious convictions. They view each child as a gift from God, and they trust that He will provide for them.
I’m well aware that this reasoning sounds crazy to secular outsiders. But at the end of the day, does it matter? God has, in fact, provided for us, and my siblings and parents are the greatest blessings of my life.
The author and a smattering of siblings.
I could never imagine life without my six brothers: Tommy, Patrick, Michael, Barry, Daniel, and Seamus. I certainly can’t picture a world without my sisters: Catherine, Theresa, Janey, and Brigid. While we may all look alike, thanks to some good Irish genes, each one of us was uniquely created and brings a diverse array of talents, interests, virtues, and vices to the table. It has been my parents’ role to sort through all of that and to raise us to be the men and women we were created to be.
A large family necessitates a different kind of lifestyle than a smaller family might have, of course: My parents didn’t take our growing family on exotic vacations, and when I was a child, we had PB&J lunches and spaghetti dinners probably more often than my father and mother would have liked. There isn’t as much room in the budget for going out to eat after sports practice or daytime kid activities. The other big families I have known throughout the course of my life are largely the same.
I have never wished for anything different. When I think about my childhood, I don’t really even remember the PB&Js, except maybe the 11 I made for an infamous road trip. (The siblings still accuse me of sitting on them. I maintain my innocence.)
The author giving piggybacks.
What I do remember is eagerly waiting by the phone with my grandmother and the other kids as my parents called from the hospital to tell us that our ninth child would be a boy (Daniel, who now towers over me at 6’3″ and texts me after my TV hits to say, “Well done, Marg”). Believe it or not, I cried that day because I wanted a girl. I got her when my mother had our 10th baby, Brigid, my goddaughter and close friend.
I remember sitting at the kitchen table with all the siblings, a toddler on my lap as always, as we begged my dad for stories about his childhood in Massachusetts, or standing, at his request, on the brick hearth of our fireplace with my sisters to sing Irish ballads to company.
I think of our cozy school days all working away in our makeshift classroom, my mom waking us up early to go to daily Mass, hours and hours of sister doll games, swinging the baby to sleep on the play set, and the fun we had teaching the little ones to walk, play games, and propose like Mr. Darcy (jury’s out on that one, but we tried).
In functioning big families, kids necessarily help out with chores, with babies, and with each other. We each had our designated chores every day, and we did them with gusto. To this day, we help each other review resumes, emails, job applications, middle school papers, you name it.
Eleven kids means 55 unique relationships between the siblings, and in big families, those relationships hold so many possibilities: the friend, the mentor, the confidante, the babysitter, the tutor, the partner in crime. As we grow older and start families of our own, those relationships necessarily evolve.
The constant in our lives remains the same: We are the Olohan family, and we will always be there for one another.
Of course, the life of a big family is not without its crosses. I grew up with a number of large families, including my own, who have dealt with hardship and tragedy. We know that nothing worth having is easily come by, and for my part, I know I’m very lucky to have been given the parents God gave me. As I’m sure my readers are well aware, every family is the product of the caliber of its parents, and mine are made of good stuff.
Being open to the children God sends you is absolutely a leap of faith. It’s a leap of faith that my parents took and the parents of most big families take. It’s a surrendering of your will, time and time again, and it’s a beautiful sacrifice with a beautiful reward. As my grandmother, the mother of 10, would tell us, “Love multiplies; it never divides.”
That is why failing to include God in the conversation about big families doesn’t make any sense. He’s woven into every step of the way.
***
The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
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