Honestly, I don’t feel like people are stressed out enough about families and children going hungry next month. I really don’t. Thinking about them cutting SNAP benefits has me sick to my stomach. Do I have SNAP? No. As an adult, I only qualified for food stamps for less than a year when I was a newly single mom. I only received around $300 a month to help feed myself and my three kids. I worked full-time at an AT&T call center as a customer service representative for $14/hr. My ex-husband paid his child support faithfully and always provided extra if the kids needed something. It still wasn’t enough. I needed a safety net for the safety net, and thankfully, my ex-husband and my parents filled the gap when all that was left was a couple of packs of ramen noodles and milk for the toddler. In those moments of extreme scarcity, I had privilege. I had parents who loved me enough to shuffle their own bills around or do odd jobs to send me money for food. I had an ex who would rather he struggle than have his kids miss a meal. I had friends who would let us stay with them for a week so they could feed us, and the kids were none the wiser. Family outing on a sunny day.Courtesy of Kind, Not NiceThen, I got another job. After 90 days, I got my first raise. I went from $14/hr to $17/hr, which cut my SNAP benefits to around $100. A few months later, I got another raise. I was making a whopping $21/hr, and my SNAP was cut again to $36 a month. It was more of a hassle to renew it than it was helpful, so I never renewed. Instead, I struggled. My number of children did not decrease, and I worked 40+ hours a week. I lived in a single-wide trailer on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere because that’s all I could afford. My youngest went to live with his dad for a year because I couldn’t afford daycare on top of everything else, and he could enroll him on base. Even that was a privilege. Children enjoying a sunny day at the beach.Courtesy of Kind, Not NiceOver 70% of people on SNAP benefits work a job, but not everyone has a village to lean on. Without my village, I would not be where I am. They show up to hold me when my knees want to give out, but other people are trying to get through the weeks with bloodied, throbbing, scabbed knees because there’s no one to catch them when their knees buckle. The majority of single parents don’t plan on becoming single parents. I know I didn’t. Popping out babies so I could get that fat, nearly nonexistent food stamp money was not on my bingo card of life. I did things the “right way.” I met a boy who was kind. We got married before having kids. I earned a bachelor's degree. He was military. We raised our kids together, the best we could, for nearly 15 years. I still wound up being a single mom on food stamps, robbing Peter to pay Paul, trying to shield my kids from how poor we actually were. Children by the lakeside, enjoying a peaceful moment together.Courtesy of Kind, Not NiceI still got dirty looks from people as I checked out with my SNAP card because I was holding an iPhone and a Coach purse, both of which were older than Jesus’ first pair of sandals, and the purse was a hand-me-down from my sister. People judge because they can’t imagine that it would be them. They’ve convinced themselves that they made the “right” choices in life, so they’re shielded from ever having to experience the consequences of being poor. They believe poverty is a punishment for poor moral choices instead of a result of capitalistic greed. They believe the billionaires in silk ties that cost more than their mortgage payment telling them that paying more in taxes on their gajillion dollars would cause them hardship over the elderly man in the food bank line. They believe the rich fat cats because, in their mind, only good people reach that level of wealth, when in reality God is in the pauper, not the prince. Joyful moments: A playful child, fun costumes, and curious exploration.Courtesy of Kind, Not NiceOne thing they emphasized in my social work program was that at any moment, we could be on the other side of the desk needing help. Even with our fancy degrees, we are much closer to being the ones going without meals than the ones looking down from their ivory towers telling us to eat a $300 million ballroom and two private jets.

A growing number of women are deciding to keep their last name after saying “I do.” Content creator Lucy is one of them. In a recent TikTok video, Lucy shared with her 438,000 viewers that taking her husband’s name wasn’t even something she “considered” leading up to getting married, because “why should I change it for someone else?” This led her to wonder why other women had made the same choice. So, she posed the question, “For my girls who didn’t change your last name, I want to hear your reason why.” @lumomoneyyy Let’s hear it! Your reasons for not changing it or honestly for changing it! Very curious #marriage ♬ Chasm in the heart of Wyoming - Butterghost It turns out, the answers were as varied as the individuals who wrote them.For some, it’s about identity and accomplishment Name carries so much identity. It makes sense that some women wouldn't want to give up a part of theirs. Photo credit: CanvaMany commenters said their last name carries personal or professional meaning—a part of who they are that they’ve worked too hard to give up:“I earned my doctorate with my last name and I’m the only one in my family with an advanced degree.” “Because I got married not bought. I don’t find it necessary for a woman to change her identity once she gets married.” “It felt weird. I came into this world with my name. Why would I change it.” For others, it’s cultural Taking the husband's last name isn't tradition everywhere. Photo credit: CanvaHeritage and lineage play a big role too. Keeping a name can mean keeping a connection to family, culture, or faith.“I’m first gen Mexican American and it was a piece of my identity I was not willing to give up. Also will be first gen college graduate so I want my family name on that degree.” “I didn’t change mine because in Islam a woman is supposed to keep her last name and not erase her identity by taking someone else’s name. It also is your link to your lineage.” “My fiance (male) is taking my (female) last name instead of me changing my name! He is adopted and isn’t closely attached to his last name, whereas my dad passed when I was a kid and I have always felt close to him and to my last name. He wants to honor my dad by taking his name instead!” Some made the choice out of practicality (or paperwork fatigue) "I love paperwork," said no one ever. Photo credit: CanvaThen there were those whose reasons were more… logistical. After all, love might be forever, but so is the DMV line.“I avoid the Social Security office and DMV like the plague.” “My passport photo was good and I didn’t want to change it until it expires.” “We got married in 2021 and so the social security office still had covid measures. They wanted me to mail in sensitive documents and I wasn’t comfortable with it.” “Um did you see how much paper work that was? I said to him, I don’t mind changing my name, but you’re going to have to all this paper work. SO THAT NEVER HAPPENED.” “It will take me 273784938824 years to get an appointment at the DMV and I don’t want to miss an election where I can vote against Ted Cruz.” …and then some reasons were just plain funny If your last name is King, you keep it forever. Photo credit: Canva“My last name is King and his is Butler — why would I demote myself?”“I wont cause his name is too long and I like saying that I’m related to Marvin Gaye.” “I’ve heard people I love say ‘it’s not even your name, it’s your dad’s’ and I get so frustrated because ??? my fiancé’s last name is just his dad’s too? WTH kind of argument is that? So now I’m keeping it out of spite.”Still, that doesn’t mean women who do take their partner’s name are doing anything wrong. Far from it (Lucy even made a point to say “no shade” was being thrown at those who do). For some, sharing a last name feels romantic or symbolically unifying. For others, it’s simply easier for travel, medical paperwork, or raising kids. Couples simply have more options now, so that they can do what’s best for them. And still, while more and more women are opting out of forgoing their maiden name (particularly millennials and Gen Z), a Pew Research Center survey from 2023 says about 8 in 10 women in opposite-sex marriages do still take their husband’s last name. Bottom line: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to modern marriage. For every woman who keeps her name because it's just too badass to part ways with, another happily takes her partner's. Both choices can be equally valid and meaningful.

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