Whether we'd like to admit it or not, most people have heard someone say something along the lines of "all (insert racial group) look the same." It's not unique to one race either—comedians across the racial spectrum joke about this seemingly racist phenomenon. The phrase can sound a little racist even when the person admitting to it doesn't mean it to be.Julia, a frequent traveler, recently had her own experience with this phenomenon when she traveled to South Korea. The woman realized that she couldn't tell the locals apart, which was baffling to her. Once she confessed to her Korean friends, they all got a good chuckle when they revealed they had a hard time telling white people apart. When the sentiment was the same in Mozambique, she decided to do some research into why people have difficulty identifying differences in racial groups outside of their own. Happy friends enjoying a playful moment together. Photo credit: Canva To Julia's surprise, there was a reason for this seemingly strange occurrence, and it had little to nothing to do with racism. The reason the phrase isn't always racist is that it happens to be true in many instances. Even in diverse countries, people tend to stay in communities that look similar to themselves due to similar cultural upbringings and expectations. Of course, this self-segregating grouping dilutes in major cities where people live near a plethora of different ethnicities and races, in which they build community. Those who live near other races and ethnicities may have an easier time recognizing the different facial features of people from races different from their own. This is because exposure is key to not only understanding cultural differences but also visually seeing how facial features differ from one race and ethnicity to the next. Facial recognition interface scanning a person.Photo credit: CanvaWhile the woman uses race to describe the phenomenon, it's important to note that race and ethnicity are two different things. A person of Chinese descent would be categorized racially as Asian, but their ethnicity would likely be Han Chinese, which makes up 91% of China. While a South Korean's race would be Asian as well, their ethnicity would be Korean. In both of these instances, their nationality would be the country in which they were born. This is a pretty standard breakdown across ethnic and racial groups except Black Americans, who are descendants of chattel slavery. Black Americans' race is Black/African American, but unlike other groups, their ethnic group is also Black/African American, while their nationality is American. Whereas a Black British person may say their nationality is British, their race is Black, but their ethnicity is Nigerian Igbo. It's important to acknowledge the difference in race and ethnicity because one could belong to a racial group but still have the same issue with recognizing the differences of an ethnic group within their race. Team collaboration sparks creativity and innovation.Photo credit: CanvaIn Julia's research into why people struggle with recognizing faces from different groups, she discovered something fascinating: there's a name for the phenomenon, "it's called cross-race effect, and it's not about racism, it's about how our brains are wired. TLDR, you're not racist, you just have a lazy a** brain." She goes on to explain, "Our brains are essentially pattern recognition machines. The more often we see something like faces from our community, the better our brain gets from picking up subtle differences without us even realizing it. It's a bit like muscle memory but with visual processing."The fusiform face area (FFA) is sort of like a shortcut to this processing faces even when we aren't necessarily paying attention. But like most things, you need to exercise the muscle for it to work properly in all scenarios. When it comes to faces, if the only faces you see look like your own, then it'll be difficult to recognize the distinct features of people who don't look like those in your racial or ethnic group. Recently, singer-songwriter Billie Eilish faced backlash for her remarks while performing in Ireland after commenting, "As you guys know, I'm Irish. I am not from here, obviously. It's really cool to come somewhere and, like, everyone looks exactly like you, and you're all just as pasty as me. I love it." Some fans were offended since white people in America tend to be overrepresented in television and music. While overrepresentation may be true, chances are, since America is so diverse, the singer likely hasn't run into many people of the same ethnicity. The first faces we learn to recognize are those in our households, which tend to resemble ourselves unless you're an adoptee. These are the faces our FFA practices on before moving on to those in their direct community, slowly expanding outward as one travels further from home. Facial recognition technology concept.Photo credit: Canva"When it (FFA) sees familiar types of faces, for example, faces you've had lots of exposure to, it lights up, like ha, I know this. But when it sees faces from a group you haven't spent much time with, the neural activation is weaker and less precise. Your brain doesn't process all the details. It kind of glosses over it. It's almost like your brain says, 'eh, close enough, I'll just put everything in the same category as the ones I've already seen,'" Julia explains before adding later. "It's not that the other races actually look the same, it's that our brain isn't trained to see the differences, yet."In many ways, it's like hearing someone speak French when you don't speak the language. At first, the words all mush together and sound the same, but as you begin to pick up on French words, things become clearer. So, no, everyone who thinks people from another ethnic group all look the same is racist; they simply need to exercise that part of their brain.

Have you ever found yourself at your desk, ticking off tasks like a robot, feeling as if you're observing your life from the outside? Or perhaps you've spent late nights binge-watching episodes of Big Brother while fully aware that you should be sleeping, yet unable to stop?That might not be laziness or lack of motivation. You could be experiencing something called a “functional freeze,” a state that’s more common than you might realize. You're not alone in this. Woman looks down, dejected. Photo credit: CanvaPeople describe the experience of a functional freeze as “running on autopilot while simultaneously drowning.” It’s a sophisticated psychological state where individuals maintain outward functionality while experiencing profound internal emotional disconnection. On the outside, you’re getting things done—showing up to work on time, paying bills, hitting the gym—but on the inside, it’s a complete physiological and emotional shutdown, leaving you disconnected from everything. Effectively, you are functional yet frozen.If you’ve ever felt like you’re just going through the motions of life without actually living it, keep reading. This article might change how you view what’s going on in your brain and body.What is a functional freeze, anyway?This phenomenon occurs when the nervous system becomes overwhelmed by chronic stress, trauma, or persistent demands, such as a demanding job, caretaking responsibilities, or financial pressures, which triggers the dorsal vagal complex: a primitive survival mechanism that induces emotional and psychological shutdown.Think of it like your phone when it’s at 2% battery. Yes, everything technically works, but it’s sluggish, apps keep crashing, and you’re just trying to make it through until you can reach a charger. That’s your brain on functional freeze.via GIPHYThe science behind it is fascinating and slightly terrifying. When you’re constantly stressed or overwhelmed, your sympathetic nervous system—the part of your nervous system that controls your body's 'fight-or-flight' responses—gets stuck in the “on” position.It’s like your nervous system is playing dead, which worked great for our ancestors avoiding sabertoothed tigers, but isn’t so helpful when you’re trying to navigate modern life.Being in this state is more than just feeling “blah” or being in a cranky mood. Functional freeze is a legitimate neurobiological response to chronic stress, and it can last for weeks, months, or even years if left unchecked. The tricky part is that because you’re still functioning—still showing up, still getting things done—it often goes unrecognized by both you and the people around you.8 key signs of functional freezeYou feel emotionally numbThe hallmark sign of functional freeze involves severely diminished emotional responses… all the time. You know how some people describe depression as feeling sad constantly? (Crying, can’t get out of bed, etc.) Functional freeze is more like feeling nothing at all. Functional freeze divorces you from emotion. Photo credit: Canva Your best friend gets engaged, and you’re genuinely happy for her, but the emotion feels like it was auto-generated, instead of something you feel in your body. You get a parking ticket (which would normally outrage you, but this time, it’s just a shrug of the shoulders. Good things happen, bad things happen, and your emotional response is nowhere to be seen.Feeling like this isn’t stoicism or being emotionally mature. Your feelings are locked away, stashed in a safe where you can’t access them.Your body feels like it belongs to someone elseIn a functional freeze, you become disconnected from your physical self. You might ignore hunger cues, forget to drink water, or not notice that your shoulders have been practically touching your ears from stress.People describe it as sensations of “floating outside themselves” or feeling like they’re “watching their life happen from a distance”. It’s not quite dissociation, but you don’t feel present in your skin.Autopilot modeWhen you're a functional freeze, even simple decisions feel overwhelming. You might find yourself doing the same things over and over—same lunch, same songs to listen to, same Netflix show on repeat—not because you love these things, but because choosing feels impossible. Your struggle with decision-making is real and valid. Are your days starting to blur together?Photo credit: CanvaYour days start to blur together because you’re not present for any of them. You’re going through the motions, but there’s no real intentionality behind your actions.Persistent procrastination and decision paralysisHere’s where functional freeze gets cruel: you can handle the basics (mostly), but anything beyond survival seems insurmountable. That creative project you’ve been so excited about? The closet that needs organizing? Your friend’s birthday is inching closer and closer, and you've yet to buy a gift. They all feel like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops.Your brain doesn’t have the bandwidth for non-essential tasks because it’s using all its energy to keep you upright and moving.People are exhausting, even the ones you loveSocial interactions start to feel performative, like you’re playing yourself in a movie about your life. Your brain reminds you that you love your friends, but hanging out with them feels like an unavoidable obligation. You find yourself canceling plans—not because you’re busy, but because the thought of having to be “on” already exhausts you. People experiencing a functional freeze might feel like they're wearing a mask in social interactions. Photo credit: CanvaFunctional freeze often drives individuals toward increasing social isolation, not from depression or anxiety, but from a fundamental disconnection from interpersonal experiences. Being alone starts to feel genuinely easier than trying to connect with others.Your brain is moving through molassesYou know that feeling when you first wake up and your thoughts are all foggy? In a functional freeze, that’s pretty much your entire day. Everyday tasks take longer, information needs repetition, and mental sharpness feels sluggish and dull.via GIPHYMental fog of this magnitude can be especially frustrating if you’re used to being on top of your game. You’re still competent, but everything requires more effort than it should.You’re tired in your bonesThis isn’t a “Oops, I stayed up watching Can Me If You Can too late last night,” tired. It’s a “I could sleep for 12 hours and still wake up exhausted” tired. Rest alone won’t alleviate this level of fatigue because your system is stuck in survival mode.It’s a profound, persistent energy depletion that rest doesn’t resolve, often accompanied by a sense of being “wired but tired,” like your body is buzzing with anxious energy while simultaneously feeling like you could collapse at any moment.Numbing behaviors feel like salvationWhen everything feels too much, it’s natural to reach for things that help you check out. You might be mindlessly scrolling social media for hours, binging shows you’re not even interested in, or pouring that third glass of wine to feel something (or block out the nothingness).These aren’t necessarily unhealthy behaviors in moderation, but in functional freeze, they become compulsive ways to avoid dealing with the disconnection you’re feeling. Woman feeling checked out. Photo credit: CanvaThe good news: You can get unstuckLet’s be clear: if you recognized yourself in the descriptions above, you are not broken, lazy, or weak. Functional freeze is your nervous system trying to protect you. It’s just doing a lousy job of it at this point.Recovery isn’t about powering through or forcing yourself to feel better. It’s about gently coaxing your nervous system back online. Here’s how to start:Start with the breath. Your breath is the fastest way to communicate with your nervous system, and it’s one of the few things you can control when everything else feels chaotic. Try the 4-7-8 technique: breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, exhale for eight.Get back in your body. When you’re stuck in functional freeze, gentle movement can help reconnect you with your physical self. Try stretching, gentle yoga, or even just shaking your body like you’re a dog getting out of water (shaking helps discharge stored stress energy. Animals do it naturally after escaping predators.)Make tiny decisions. Since decision-making feels overwhelming in a functional freeze, start embarrassingly small. Choose between two of your favorite snacks. Pick which song to listen to. Decide whether to wear the blue shirt or the black one. These micro-decisions help rebuild your executive functioning without overwhelming your already taxed system.Create anchors in the day. When everything feels blurry and autopilot-y, small rituals can help you feel more present. Maybe it’s consciously tasting your morning coffee instead of chugging it. (Is that a note of hazelnut, you detect?) Or stepping outside for five minutes after lunch and breathing in the fresh air, no screens allowed. These aren’t life-changing habits—they’re just little moments where you pause and notice you exist.Find professional help. Look for practitioners who understand trauma-informed care, somatic experiencing, or polyvagal theory. These approaches work with your nervous system rather than just trying to think your way out of the problem. EMDR, somatic experiencing, and trauma-sensitive yoga can be beneficial because they address the physiological aspects of being stuck, not just the mental ones. Remember, you are not alone. Photo credit: CanvaYou’re not aloneIf you’re struggling with functional freeze, remember that you are not alone. In our hyperconnected, always-on world, functional freeze has become nearly epidemic. We’re all trying to fit into an overstimulated society that isn’t designed for the human nervous system.The fact that you’re reading this, that you’re looking for answers and ways to feel more alive in your own life—that’s already a step toward unfreezing. Your awareness is the beginning of change.Your feelings are still there, waiting for you to come back to them. And when you’re ready, they’ll be there to welcome you home.

Imagine this: you’re scrolling through Instagram and suddenly come across photos of your former best friend living their best life—without you. Your stomach drops to the floor, every muscle in your chest tightens, and, without warning, you’re sniffling over someone who once knew your Jamba Juice order by heart (medium Strawberry Whirl with a caffeine boost) but now treats you like a stranger. via GIPHYIf this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Friendship breakups are one of life’s most devastating experiences, yet society either chooses to ignore them altogether or expects us to “get over it,” as if it’s no big deal. Spoiler alert: it is a big deal. And we have the science to back it up. The science and psychology behind friendship breakups Here’s something that might surprise you: when a friendship ends, your brain processes it in much the same way as it would a romantic breakup. The same neural pathways light up, the same stress chemicals flood into your system, and you feel like your heart is breaking into a million tiny pieces. Ugly crying into a pint of ice cream would not be uncalled for in this situation. via GIPHYResearch shows that up to 70% of close friendships don’t make it past the seven-year mark. This doesn’t mean that we’re bad at friendship; rather, it’s a reflection of the fact that people change, grow apart, and that life unfolds in unexpected ways. However, knowing the statistics doesn’t make a friendship breakup any less brutal when you’re experiencing it firsthand. When you lose a close friend, your brain goes into emergency panic mode. Known as the mood stabilizer, serotonin levels drop after losing a friend, leading to mood instability, anxiety, and depression symptoms. The brain goes through dopamine withdrawal, creating feelings of emptiness and a loss of pleasure. Your amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—freaks out, sending waves of stress signals through your body. Simultaneously, the same regions that process physical pain (the ones that would activate if you broke a bone) start working overtime to process that emotional pain. Woman with her head in her hands.Photo credit: CanvaThis is why we use physical terms to describe heartbreak, like "crushed,” “broken,” or “torn apart.” Because in these moments, your brain truly cannot distinguish between physical and emotional pain. The grief no one talks about Friendship breakups can be especially painful because our society isn’t built to acknowledge them. When a romantic relationship ends, friends and family typically gather around to offer emotional support and say things like, “You’re better off, sweetie," or “It’s their loss.” But when a friendship falls apart? Crickets.Unlike other forms of loss, friendship endings involve ambiguous grief: mourning someone who is still alive but is no longer present in your life. via GIPHYThis phenomenon is also known as “disenfranchised grief," and refers to the type of pain that does not receive social recognition or support. A friend is someone who has left an indelible mark on your life, and yet, society tells you to get over it because, after all, it’s “just a friend.”“Losing a close friendship can hurt just as deeply as a romantic breakup, if not more in some cases,” explains Charlotte Fox Weber, psychotherapist and author of What We Want, in an interview with Stylist. “You’re not just mourning the present reality of the friendship; you’re grieving what it once was—the laughter, the shared experiences, the dreams you built together, and the promise of what life might become.” Healing happens in stages The good news is that you’re not broken. This pain will not last forever. Healing from a friendship breakup, much like any other form of grief, happens in waves. Some days you'll feel fine, while others you may want to hide under the covers and stare at old pictures of the two of you. The “good old days.”First, allow yourself to feel everything. Seriously. Be sad, angry, confused, hurt. Hurl the dictionary and the thesaurus at your grief. Cry in the shower. Scream in the car. Your feelings are valid, even if no one else seems to recognize them. via GIPHYNext, practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself kindly and use words full of love. If a family member was going through something similar, would you tell them they were being dramatic? Hopefully not! You would wrap them in a tight hug and remind them that they are worthy of love and friendship. Finally, get curious about the lessons this experience has taught you. What have you learned about yourself through this friendship? What do you want to do differently in future relationships? Pain can often be our greatest teacher, even if you prefer to learn your lessons more gently. Plot twist: You’re stronger now Here’s something no one tells you about surviving a friendship breakup: it makes you resilient. Look at you! You have navigated through one of life’s most under-recognized heartbreaks and emerged in one piece. You sat with difficult emotions, comforted yourself, and became your own best friend when you needed one the most.That’s not insignificant; that’s everything. So, take your time. Feel your feelings. Be gentle with yourself. And remember, almost everyone has experienced a loss like this at some point. You’re not behind in life; you’re exactly where you need to be.

It's August, which means a lot of kids have either started school already or are heading back. The back-to-school month also means an influx of parents voicing their grievances on the internet. Everything from not wanting their children to share school supplies to the teacher's wish list items. What is typically an exciting time for children can be a stressful time for parents and teachers for different reasons. One disappointed mom took to the internet in tears due to the lack of classroom decor in her child's classroom for "meet the teacher." It could be that this is the mom's first time sending a little one off to school, as to the reason she didn't know that there would likely be more decorating happening before the first day of school. Either way, her tearful reaction to the lack of decorations caused a few teachers to reveal the reality they face. Overwhelmed with emotion.Photo credit: CanvaMost teachers, especially those of little ones, want to have their classrooms decked out in all the colorful, age-appropriate decor, but in reality, that costs money. Often, money neither teachers nor the school districts have. This is why public school teachers have wish lists that they pass out before the first day of school; some even create Amazon lists so people outside of their district can help. It's a pretty common understanding that teachers don't make a lot of money, but for some parents, just how little teachers make may be overlooked. A teacher who goes by Mrs. Frazzled on social media recently reacted to the post of the crying mom. In this case, the teacher lived up to her social media moniker because what followed was more PG-13 than her usual content. Someone who goes by the name Kubi responded to Mrs. Frazzled's rant with an eye-opening reality, "My first year as a teacher I made 27K and my room was empty because I could[n't] afford to buy things for it. and I didn't even get my first check until 30 days in so I taught HUNGRY the first month." Stressed at the desk, seeking a moment of calm.Photo credit: CanvaThe confession prompted Mrs. Frazzled to commiserate with her own, revealing, "I also taught hungry my first year of teaching. That's part of why this whole thing made me so freaking mad. I'll tell you my story as a first-year teacher because it is not a unique story by any means, clearly." She goes on to share that student teaching isn't paid and comes at the end of teaching certification, which requires soon-to-be-teachers to teach during the day for free, then attend classes at night. This essentially means there's no feasible way for student teachers to make enough money to cover living expenses unless they forego their sleep. Mrs. Frazzled says that in the spring of her student teaching, she had a major life event that resulted in her looking for a new place to live on virtually no income. @mrs.frazzled Replying to @Kubi ♬ original sound - frazz "On the heels of this happening, I'm starting my first year as a teacher. And you do not get paid for the first month that you teach, so nine months, no work. Summer, very minimal work. Then you start school, and you need to have a fully furnished and ready classroom, because if you've seen a government-sponsored classroom, you know it is very barren in there." The woman reveals that she couldn't afford to live in the area where she taught, so her commute was anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. She also confesses that the only reason she had anything in her classroom was because "parents kinda carried me on my back financially." They purchased the things she needed, including a big, colorful rug that can run well over $500. Storytime circle with kids and teachers in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva"My first month of teaching, I was so stinking poor. I had a mattress on the floor, no refrigerator. I had a couch that I dumpster dove for, and I was driving Postmates after school so that I could get like $12 to buy dinner or whatever. I remember crying because I needed Q-Tips and I couldn't afford Q-Tips. I had to go Postmates for hours to make enough to buy Q-Tips. This is the reality of teaching in the United States," Mrs. Frazzled shares.It's a reality check that some parents may not be ready to hear when their expectations fall short of the reality teachers are living. Feeling disappointed when something doesn't meet your expectations is understandable, but when it comes to classroom decor and supplies, it takes a village.

In the summer of 2020, Yesenia Aguilar was walking on a sidewalk five minutes from home in Anaheim, California when a drunk driver jumped the curb with her Jeep and struck her. The vehicle narrowly missed her husband, James Alvarez, who was walking beside her. Aguilar was 35 weeks pregnant at the time.Tragically, Aguilar died at the hospital, but the couple's baby, Adalyn Rose, was delivered via cesarean section and survived. For the next year, Alvarez poured himself into being a good dad to Adalyn while processing the grief and trauma of witnessing his wife be killed right in front of him. The story was widely covered in the news and many people have followed Alvarez as he shares his life with Adalyn on social media. A year after the accident, Alvarez shared photos of Adalyn's first birthday and it people deeply.With the help of X & V Photography, Alvarez recreated a photoshoot he and Aguilar did not long before the accident. Aguilar was dressed in a pink gown, with her baby bump featuring prominently in the photos. In the new shoot, Alvarez dressed Adalyn in a pink dress as well and posed her in the places her mother was in the previous one.The effect is sadly touching and achingly beautiful—a reminder of the gift of life.It's hard to imagine what range of emotions this shoot must have brought up for Alvarez.It's also hard to imagine how Adalyn will process the whole story when she's old enough to understand.But what a beautiful tribute to the woman who gave a life before hers was taken."Adalyn, I know if your mommy was here, she would have been the happiest person alive," Alvarez wrote in an Instagram share of the photo shoot. "She would be so excited to celebrate your birthday. That's why, I'm making sure I fulfill her wishes and wish the happiest birthday ever baby. Your mommy and daddy loves you."It's the hardest thing to make beauty out of tragedy, but these photos prove it's possible. Since that shoot, life has moved on. Alvarez found love once again, and that new family is growing. See on Instagram And yet, it seems that every year, on Adalyn's birthday, the memory of Yesenia is still honored. See on Instagram This article originally appeared four years ago.

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