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Trump Dedicates White House ‘Ball’room to Michelle Obama, Cites Bipartisan Appeal
Washington, D.C. – In a bid for what he termed “finally some positive press – believe me, it’s overdue,” President Donald J. Trump confirmed Tuesday the naming of a newly renovated White House ballroom after former First Lady Michelle Obama. The space, dubbed the Michelle Obama “Ball”room, is positioned as a unifying gesture in an era of deepening partisan rifts, though Trump’s delivery suggested it might double as a comedy club audition.
“I think naming the new ballroom after Michelle Obama appeases both political parties,” Trump said during a Rose Garden ceremony, flanked by gold-embossed blueprints and a scale model of the venue featuring suspiciously prominent disco balls. “Democrats get their healthy eating icon; Republicans get the irony. Besides, who doesn’t enjoy a good double entendre? It’s like a tax cut – everyone wins, except maybe the accountants.”
The announcement, timed to coincide with National Kale Awareness Week, elicited the expected media frenzy. Mainstream outlets, still smarting from Trump’s 2024 reelection, framed the event as yet another assault on decorum. MSNBC host Rachel Maddow, broadcasting live from a studio lined with fact-check binders, accused the president of “just bullying us at this point.” She paused for emphasis, then added, “Trump acts like everyone on the left is a buffoon, and I reject that,” while brandishing a dog-eared copy of his tax returns as visual aid. “See? This is what buffoonery looks like. Not us.”
Viewership spiked 17% during the segment, with Nielsen attributing the bump to “schadenfreude adjacent” demographics. A follow-up panel debate devolved into a 45-minute taxonomy of puns, concluding that “ballroom” ranks only slightly below “covfefe” on the scale of presidential wordplay disasters.
Not all reactions skewed leftward. Former President Bill Clinton, reached at his Chappaqua estate amid a suspiciously timed saxophone practice session, offered rare bipartisan praise. “It’s one of my biggest regrets,” Clinton said, exhaling a cloud of what aides described as “vintage nostalgia.” “I had to nail Monica Lewinsky and all those other interns in that tiny office next to the Oval Office. I could have built a giant ‘ball’ room with a giant cigar humidor. Think of the productivity gains – or at least the square footage.”
The “Ball”room itself, a $32 million retrofit of the East Room’s underutilized annex, boasts energy-efficient lighting, a built-in treadmill for impromptu policy briefings, and walls paneled in what Trump called “Let Them Eat Arugula” walnut. Capacity: 500 dignitaries, or 1,200 if the event skews toward vegan finger foods. First reservation: a November fundraiser headlined by Elon Musk, promising “dancing robots and zero apologies.”
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt fielded queries with practiced neutrality. “We’re committed to inclusivity,” she said. “Even if it means explaining dad jokes to foreign ambassadors.” Michelle Obama, vacationing in Tuscany, issued a statement via emoji: a eggplant followed by three eye-rolls.
As the dust settles – or at least the confetti from the groundbreaking – political analysts caution that the gesture may prove as fleeting as a campaign promise. “It’s bipartisan until the next tweet,” quipped one Brookings Institution fellow. “Or until someone installs a salad spinner in the chandelier.” For now, though, the “Ball”room stands as a monument to compromise: elegant, enduring, and utterly impossible to take seriously.
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